The humanity in your words touches my heart. I’m a fellow shape-shifter, rehabilitating my ways with tenderness and love after realizing that complete change isn’t the goal. Thank you for sticking it out week after week and blessing all of us with your experience, contemplations and realizations.
I was journaling about something similar this morning though I described it as a boundary issue. Not the boundary of walls but as I read someone else put it recently (and I'm paraphrasing) - the boundary of coming to stand in your own bones. In others words, in your truth, whatever that is moment to moment. And that means come closer to ourselves, which is the path. I love your use of the term shapeshifting - because isn't that what we learn to do, to shapeshift in ways that bring us safety (no matter how fleeting and illusory)? I'm seeing all the ways that I have shapeshifted in my life in some attempt to make others beholden to me (so that they would stay) and find belonging and worthiness outside myself. This is a journey of unraveling and for me it has been arduous and painful. Thank you for reminding me that this is a journey so many of us are on.
A journey of unraveling -- yes, that is it. And it is arduous and painful at times -- and I think it is also the most compassionate kind of pain we can choose to endure, for the sake of accessing our own wholeness. Thank you for sharing <3
Lisa, thank you. This sense of never being enough or right for other people unless I mold myself to their desires is one of my core wounds, and I appreciate your tender consideration of it time and time again. I'm so grateful for you, your words, your offerings, your energy that you share with all of us. You help me remember that I'm only human.
"Noticing, tending, practicing" is a beautiful, simple, and kind way to be with this when it comes up. That feels like a really accessible and remember-able (yes, that's not a word) prompt.
Thank you thank you thank youuuu <3 May you be well and find ease in these shortening late summer days.
Thank you for being here -- "noticing, tending, practicing" is everything to me. Something to return to over and over again. Thank you for this reflection <3
I’ve been subscribed to this newsletter for a while now and, if I’m honest, have been letting most issues pile up in my inbox and telling myself I’d get back to them. When I saw the title of this one though, I opened it immediately. It was just what I needed today. I want to say that it’s ironic that a newsletter about you being what you need and not what everyone else you to be wants was exactly what I needed, but if I’ve learned anything through therapy and just generally existing as a human, it’s that everything starts to fall into place when you show up authentically. Thank you for the reminder that it’s an ongoing process and that it’s okay for some days to be better than others and that there are other people fighting to figure it all out too.
Lisa, I am always just so grateful that you share your gift of writing with us.
I have unfortunately entered back into a space where my life and everything in it feels very meaningless and saying good bye to it all sounds and feels all to appealing. I've been trying to remind myself of things that fill me up, such as feeling the sun on my skin, that first sip of coffee that kisses your soul, the sweet smell of plants that fills the outside air in the morning, and your sharings on Substack. Your writing has started to feel like home in a way, it feels like hope that I can hold on to and look forward to. I know your writing is having ripple effects, at least for me. Thank you.
Sep 11, 2022·edited Sep 12, 2022Liked by Lisa Olivera
I have wondered if the age of social media has exacerbated our people pleasing. Even though the marketing gurus tell you to work for a “target audience” (which should lesson that pressure to be for *everyone*) it still feels very much like shapeshifting to me. It feels like there’s an expected fragmentation and even abandonment of one’s true self in order to please and perform for an audience. Blech. To all of that. Thank you for the reminder that showing up in wholeness matters more than how we are received. All a practice, indeed.
Goodness, yes -- I can only imagine how much social media has made it all so much bigger than the bigness it already was. Oof. Thanks for this reflection.
Thank you so much for these nourishing words! I really resonated with this because I too have found myself wanting to live up to other people’s expectations of me recently. It felt so good to be reminded of the fact that I can allow myself to show up fully and that if my full self isn’t for everyone, it doesn’t mean that I have failed somehow. Sending you so much love🫶🏻✨
Great article. No, you won't please everyone, and you're not meant to. Focus on pleasing yourself first as that is what counts. If you're not happy then it shows.
Precisely! Although I would say, none of us owe happiness to anyone, either. We will certainly not always be happy, and maybe it's actually okay to show that sometimes. <3
The humanity in your words touches my heart. I’m a fellow shape-shifter, rehabilitating my ways with tenderness and love after realizing that complete change isn’t the goal. Thank you for sticking it out week after week and blessing all of us with your experience, contemplations and realizations.
Thank you for this reflection -- it means so much.
I was journaling about something similar this morning though I described it as a boundary issue. Not the boundary of walls but as I read someone else put it recently (and I'm paraphrasing) - the boundary of coming to stand in your own bones. In others words, in your truth, whatever that is moment to moment. And that means come closer to ourselves, which is the path. I love your use of the term shapeshifting - because isn't that what we learn to do, to shapeshift in ways that bring us safety (no matter how fleeting and illusory)? I'm seeing all the ways that I have shapeshifted in my life in some attempt to make others beholden to me (so that they would stay) and find belonging and worthiness outside myself. This is a journey of unraveling and for me it has been arduous and painful. Thank you for reminding me that this is a journey so many of us are on.
A journey of unraveling -- yes, that is it. And it is arduous and painful at times -- and I think it is also the most compassionate kind of pain we can choose to endure, for the sake of accessing our own wholeness. Thank you for sharing <3
Lisa, thank you. This sense of never being enough or right for other people unless I mold myself to their desires is one of my core wounds, and I appreciate your tender consideration of it time and time again. I'm so grateful for you, your words, your offerings, your energy that you share with all of us. You help me remember that I'm only human.
"Noticing, tending, practicing" is a beautiful, simple, and kind way to be with this when it comes up. That feels like a really accessible and remember-able (yes, that's not a word) prompt.
Thank you thank you thank youuuu <3 May you be well and find ease in these shortening late summer days.
Thank you for being here -- "noticing, tending, practicing" is everything to me. Something to return to over and over again. Thank you for this reflection <3
I’ve been subscribed to this newsletter for a while now and, if I’m honest, have been letting most issues pile up in my inbox and telling myself I’d get back to them. When I saw the title of this one though, I opened it immediately. It was just what I needed today. I want to say that it’s ironic that a newsletter about you being what you need and not what everyone else you to be wants was exactly what I needed, but if I’ve learned anything through therapy and just generally existing as a human, it’s that everything starts to fall into place when you show up authentically. Thank you for the reminder that it’s an ongoing process and that it’s okay for some days to be better than others and that there are other people fighting to figure it all out too.
Thank you for sharing this <3
Thank you for the reminder. xx
Thanks for reading. <3
Thank you once again for your wise words.
Thank you for being here!
This touch me so deeply, I've got tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for this reminder and showing me that it’s possible.
So glad it reached you. <3
No, you won’t be for everyone but you will be VERY much appreciated by some. Thank you. 💜
Thank you, Laila <3
Lisa, I am always just so grateful that you share your gift of writing with us.
I have unfortunately entered back into a space where my life and everything in it feels very meaningless and saying good bye to it all sounds and feels all to appealing. I've been trying to remind myself of things that fill me up, such as feeling the sun on my skin, that first sip of coffee that kisses your soul, the sweet smell of plants that fills the outside air in the morning, and your sharings on Substack. Your writing has started to feel like home in a way, it feels like hope that I can hold on to and look forward to. I know your writing is having ripple effects, at least for me. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this reflection <3
I have wondered if the age of social media has exacerbated our people pleasing. Even though the marketing gurus tell you to work for a “target audience” (which should lesson that pressure to be for *everyone*) it still feels very much like shapeshifting to me. It feels like there’s an expected fragmentation and even abandonment of one’s true self in order to please and perform for an audience. Blech. To all of that. Thank you for the reminder that showing up in wholeness matters more than how we are received. All a practice, indeed.
Goodness, yes -- I can only imagine how much social media has made it all so much bigger than the bigness it already was. Oof. Thanks for this reflection.
i look forward to these words every week! comfort for a new therapist still learning how to be okay being herself in and out of the therapy room.
Thank you for this reflection and for your work <3
What a treat to know that you are enjoying the new season of my podcast! Thanks for sharing, Lisa💜
<3 <3 <3
Thank you so much for these nourishing words! I really resonated with this because I too have found myself wanting to live up to other people’s expectations of me recently. It felt so good to be reminded of the fact that I can allow myself to show up fully and that if my full self isn’t for everyone, it doesn’t mean that I have failed somehow. Sending you so much love🫶🏻✨
Thank you for this reflection and share <3
Lovely dear Lisa!
A beautiful kind way to reframe shapeshifting, people pleasing and self.
Thank you 💛
<3 thanks for being here.
Love this one so much and I have been thinking and writing on similar topics as of late.
So glad it connected with you!
Great article. No, you won't please everyone, and you're not meant to. Focus on pleasing yourself first as that is what counts. If you're not happy then it shows.
Precisely! Although I would say, none of us owe happiness to anyone, either. We will certainly not always be happy, and maybe it's actually okay to show that sometimes. <3