Moving inward, moving outward
Lisa, I am going through a depression and a phase of self discovery. Your words and sentences hit the chord of my souls today, thank you. Like you said: “I’ve been in the practice of allowing depression to be more than just something hard I move through, but to morph into a thread that attaches me to the aliveness I also seek for everyone else, the values I hold that tell me such.” I couldn’t have articulated any better how I feel about this phase 💕
Lisa, thank you for sharing.
It sounds like depression has gifted you with deep deep empathy amongst other things.
I still hold a lot of fear for my depression; it's been about 8 months since I've had a full episode, of course, I still get waves of downs, but they don't last too long. I fear it will come back in the winter months. I get angry thinking about it too. Angry that I might have to go through a wave, angry that I just have to allow it, angry that I can't/won't be able to hustle may way out of it. Angry that I won't/don't have control.
AND the waves of depression and activation from the cPTSD have gifted me with deep understanding of people's pain and suffering. That through times of not valuing life for myself, I can tether myself to valuing other's life, that while I struggle to see my own light, I see everyone else's and so mine must be there too. Depression has allowed me to see deep into my own interior life. I don't think I can go as far as saying that I am grateful for experiencing depression or any other ways my trauma has manifested, but I can see how it has morphed my life in ways that align with my values.
Thank you for writing a piece that made me reflect and showed me that I don't have to fear every part of my depression, that it provides wisdom too. A lifetime of practicing, to welcome all the waves that may come. Thank you :) <3
Thank you for sharing your perspective! I recently started therapy after 11 years of working on myself mostly alone. I understand what you mean about that dichotomy of inner and outer world. For me, I needed to form a sense of self as well as trust within myself before I could reach out for counseling. I'm now at a place where I feel better about exposing myself to the outward. I think your writing is very inspiring and I appreciate you sharing! :)
Brava to you for cutting school to join the march! My home was in Oakland, and even though I don't enjoy noise & crowds (understatement!) I marched too. Maybe we even walked side by side. :-D What a great, spirited crowd that was! Such a sense of solid goodwill among tens of thousands of people—I think it made us all happy. At least, that feeling of happy solidarity is what I took away too. Surely the leaders would have to listen to the people! (They didn't. But they should have.)
And do I recognize dairy farms on the road to Point Reyes? A road I traveled SO many times! Always happy to see scenes from that special spot of Earth.
Very well said 💜
That inclusive moral compass. Wow.
Lately I’ve been struggling with the concept of personal autonomy - how I seem to need it and yet how many connected clues there are that the real gift, struggle, awakening … is actually in finding self within the context if holding the other close. Lisa - you talk to this in many unique and different words, and yet the sheer likeness with what I am going through in my own different life is testament to the truth of it. At the core, you and each of us need not fight for the autonomy we have been taught is characteristic of success, but instead reach down deep enough to recognize our beautiful differences inside this surprising social connective tissue we call life. How amazing that we can step forward from our own unique hearts, and touch each other with the miracle of compassion and deepest understanding, without losing that precious “who we are.”
Such a great read. Especially love the list of affirmations as the end... beautiful reminders that I personally needed today. Thank you for your honest and love-filled words.
Reminds me of Victor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning. Having purpose and being in community allows us to survive and even thrive.
Two great new book reads on Amazon following changing lives forever if you believe in second chances.
This was a great read. I am way behind you in the practice of being human - I started late. Better late than never. ✨
I’ve gone back and read this piece a handful of times since first opening it. It’s moved me in ways I’m not sure I can really articulate. It has been balm for my soul - as the season of “holiday joy” is pushed upon us, may we not feel forced. Forced to “feel ii or be it.” May we allow ourselves the space to weave our joy AND pain. Self- permission to hold both in our hands, perhaps at the same time (or at least in the same day).
Thank you, Lisa ✨
Truly beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you Lisa.
Are those photos from out at McClures?