"How hard I’m clinging onto Winter; how parts of me don’t feel ready to emerge with Spring; how readiness is rarely needed to keep moving."
Just this week I was telling a coworker how much I like the dark and that daylight savings doesn't actually make me giddy the way it seems to effect others. I love, love the cocooning of winter; the dark mornings, the candlelight as I journal, the layers of wool and warmth. I'm not really quick to do anything, and winter always feels like permission to move at my own pace. I suppose one of the lessons I'm currently learning is how to maintain my own rhythm, even when the days grow long and everyone around me wants to get out in it. And that forward movement isn't necessarily about accomplishment, but integration and honoring.
“…not rushing toward figuring all of this out in a timeline succinct enough to write an inspiring essay about it in a month or two”. Um, yes. So much of my life feels like this urgent quest to figure it all out and fix it all in a million different ways. There’s something incredibly freeing about giving into the wonder and the mystery. I’m convinced, this is the way. It just has to be.
“How being with grief can expand the heart when I long assumed it would only harden it. How being with grief can make love more obvious. How being with grief can clarify what matters in ways avoiding it never will”
Having lost my father two week ago these words resonate with me deeply. Being with grief has pulled on my heart to choose love again and again. Even when it feels impossible. ❤️
I'm not sure which of the things you are sitting with touched me the most, there were so many. For instance, I loved your reflection on what it feels like to "be wobbly in public" (I think so many of us can relate to that at the moment; I sure can). While your awesome post didn't feel "wobbly" at all to me (just deep and profound), I also understand that inside experience and outside perception are not the same thing.
So, keep wobbling on! :) You're encouraging many of us to do the same thing.
Lisa, What a beautiful description of the real complexities of life. From one perspective life is complicated; from another perspective life is a series of situations, each offering an invitation to grow. D
This resonnated so much with me: "How I’m learning through mothering the importance of acquiring validation from within, from the only place it will ever truly register as real."
Oh wow! What a gorgeous thing to read on a gloomy Monday morning. So much of what you wrote I felt so deeply, especially the part about being a mother and the parts unseen. How wonderful that you’re still here despite at one time not wanting to be. This was truly a gift, so thank you!
Clinging to winter….oh my, me too! It has been unseasonably mild here in Montreal; all the snow had melted leaving the grey detritus of winter exposed at the beginning of March where there is no imminent hope of birdsong and crocus to come.
This morning I woke to 2 inches of heavy snow and all felt well in the world again. I can safely settle in a little longer under this weighted blanket and bide my time for a moment.
I’m glad to know this feeling is shared….thanks for the aching beauty of your writing!
I always feel grounded when reading your writing. I’m glad it keeps coming. But also really believe in honoring what you do and don’t want to share and when and how so do always trust that.
Would love to read more about your experience with psychedelic-assisted therapy. Entheogens carry such profound capacities for both healing and detriment; it is fascinating to read firsthand reports of people actually benefiting from it. Also, totally relate about strangers! It is a beautiful thing to stumble upon the kindness of people we do not know. Thanks for writing!
"How hard I’m clinging onto Winter; how parts of me don’t feel ready to emerge with Spring; how readiness is rarely needed to keep moving."
Just this week I was telling a coworker how much I like the dark and that daylight savings doesn't actually make me giddy the way it seems to effect others. I love, love the cocooning of winter; the dark mornings, the candlelight as I journal, the layers of wool and warmth. I'm not really quick to do anything, and winter always feels like permission to move at my own pace. I suppose one of the lessons I'm currently learning is how to maintain my own rhythm, even when the days grow long and everyone around me wants to get out in it. And that forward movement isn't necessarily about accomplishment, but integration and honoring.
Yes, to all of it! I so relate. Maintaining one's own rhythm despite the outside rhythm... such a practice. Thank you for sharing 🤍
“…not rushing toward figuring all of this out in a timeline succinct enough to write an inspiring essay about it in a month or two”. Um, yes. So much of my life feels like this urgent quest to figure it all out and fix it all in a million different ways. There’s something incredibly freeing about giving into the wonder and the mystery. I’m convinced, this is the way. It just has to be.
This is the way 🧡
“How being with grief can expand the heart when I long assumed it would only harden it. How being with grief can make love more obvious. How being with grief can clarify what matters in ways avoiding it never will”
Having lost my father two week ago these words resonate with me deeply. Being with grief has pulled on my heart to choose love again and again. Even when it feels impossible. ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm so grateful you're making space for love, even still -- such a gift. 🤍
Big oof. Tears. Tender heart. “What a miracle it is to want to be here”. Thank you ♥️
Thank you for reading 🧡
I keep writing words and then deleting them because I can’t quite get right what I want to express. All I can say is thank you 💛
Thank you for reading -- so grateful 🤍
This was so profound, Lisa!
I'm not sure which of the things you are sitting with touched me the most, there were so many. For instance, I loved your reflection on what it feels like to "be wobbly in public" (I think so many of us can relate to that at the moment; I sure can). While your awesome post didn't feel "wobbly" at all to me (just deep and profound), I also understand that inside experience and outside perception are not the same thing.
So, keep wobbling on! :) You're encouraging many of us to do the same thing.
Thank you for this reflection and for reading -- it means a lot. xx
You're very welcome!
Lisa, What a beautiful description of the real complexities of life. From one perspective life is complicated; from another perspective life is a series of situations, each offering an invitation to grow. D
Thank you, Dave!
This resonnated so much with me: "How I’m learning through mothering the importance of acquiring validation from within, from the only place it will ever truly register as real."
Truly 🤍
Oh wow! What a gorgeous thing to read on a gloomy Monday morning. So much of what you wrote I felt so deeply, especially the part about being a mother and the parts unseen. How wonderful that you’re still here despite at one time not wanting to be. This was truly a gift, so thank you!
Thank you for reading!
“In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few.”
-Shunryu Suzuki
Yes yes.
Ohh I love this. I never wish to be an expert.
Oh, my. Pretty sure this was my favorite post yet! Thank you!!!
Thank you 🤍
Clinging to winter….oh my, me too! It has been unseasonably mild here in Montreal; all the snow had melted leaving the grey detritus of winter exposed at the beginning of March where there is no imminent hope of birdsong and crocus to come.
This morning I woke to 2 inches of heavy snow and all felt well in the world again. I can safely settle in a little longer under this weighted blanket and bide my time for a moment.
I’m glad to know this feeling is shared….thanks for the aching beauty of your writing!
I resonate so much -- grateful for the resonance xx
Thank you for being here. <3
Thank you for reading! 🤍
I always feel grounded when reading your writing. I’m glad it keeps coming. But also really believe in honoring what you do and don’t want to share and when and how so do always trust that.
Thank you for this -- an ongoing practice to trust and be open to what feels right. I'm always so grateful for the reminders to do so. 🙏🏻
“I would love to live
like a river flows,
carried by the surprise
of its own unfolding.”
This poem, how beautiful. 💗
A favorite, truly so resonant 🧡
The rawness of life you’ve weaved into words is an absolute gift. Thank you, Lisa.
Thank you for being here 🤍
Would love to read more about your experience with psychedelic-assisted therapy. Entheogens carry such profound capacities for both healing and detriment; it is fascinating to read firsthand reports of people actually benefiting from it. Also, totally relate about strangers! It is a beautiful thing to stumble upon the kindness of people we do not know. Thanks for writing!
I will try to share more when I feel able to find the right words 🧡