The idea of external life shrinking and internal life expanding is *so* relatable. Thank you for sharing your experience. Living a life that our heart wants, versus living a life that's expected of us, is the big task.
In my morning meditation today, I kept bumping up against the phrase "but it wasn't supposed to be like that" and what I heard in return was a gentle, curious voice asking "why do you think it's supposed to be any particular way." Your line: 'I am working on making peace with when things don’t go the way I assume they’re supposed to.' resonated so deeply. Thank you.
That photo of your daughter and your book is...wild. Deeply moving. The way she looks up, wide open, frank. Nothing hidden in that picture.
A wise friend reminded me, when I despaired that my first book would ever find its audience, that I needed to remember mycelium. How it grows, hidden, in the dark, underground. Making connections in every moment but only now and then popping up in fruit. It’s hard to trust the mycelium! I’m glad you got to enjoy this moment of fruiting.
... “on how I’m shaped and molded just by choosing to try.”
This deeply resonated with me. I’m right there too. In the trying. Trying things I haven’t before. Things that I long suspected I needed, but thought I couldn’t do.
Getting out of bed 2 hours earlier to write. No wine during the week. Getting off most social media. Not reading the news first thing in the morning.
I started trying these things because I wanted something from them. A certain, specific outcome.
But I realize the effort alone is changing me. In beautiful ways. Will it lead me to the outcome I want? No way of knowing. But I have transformed into someone who knows she can keep promises to herself.
Whenever I receive notification about your newsletter, I don't read it straight away. I wait for the right time when I am not in any sort of rush to read, when I can take the most of it in and I just did the same for this one. Your words have always felt like a warm hug to me. Thank you for writing these honest and beautiful words. Lots of love, Harneek!
This was such a gorgeous piece. I was the same when my two sons were tiny, nothing else mattered but them. I didn't have the time, head space or strength for anything else anyway. We should not feel guilty for this, this is such a precious time and goes so quickly. My boys are now men and I can scarcely believe that it is nearly 23 years since I first held my first born in my arms. ♥️
I recognize so much of your experience in my own. My book was even smaller (poetry) and there was so much I didn't understand about publishing and selling and all of it. I had two young children and I was teaching full-time, and both of those things (for different reasons) felt like they should take priority. So I let them. I haven't written another book since, maybe (probably?, don't know) never will. I still write, though. I think there's no one right answer for everyone, but I think I found the right ones for me. I think the only right answer is to listen to the voice inside that knows what matters most to you. Thank you for sharing your experience here.
I’m a little obsessed with near death experiences. I think one of the reasons I find them comforting is because so many people come back shocked by how their lives made a difference to others--and it’s usually things they hadn’t thought of as that important. This doesn’t mean I stopped caring about getting my books out there. But so much is out of our control. 🩵
You made the right decision to be with your daughter. The book publishing industry should be more human, flexible, supportive,etc. You did the best you could given the decision you had to make.
I have loved watching you grow. Thank you for sharing the unseen parts. It makes living through my own unseen growth a little bit softer. You may not feel that you are doing enough externally and I feel that. I am thankful for your inner work and hope it inspires others to keep at it as it does me. I love all of your photography!
"Internally, life has gotten larger." That is huge, & I love it for you. This resonates a lot, as your writing always does. A beautiful way to start my Sunday.
This is beautiful to read Lisa. In a couple of weeks, I too will be a published author and I straddle two worlds: one of being a good mother to my daughter and one of being a good promoter of my book. Ultimately, I have decided that my temperament will better support me staying close to home, hosting readings in small shops, and not having a grandiose tour of sorts. A big tour does not suit my temperament, especially in the wintertime. I believe the right people will find what they need when they need it, and if they need our work, it will make it into their hands somehow. Sending you ease this gentle yet rainy California winter.
I love this essay. As an author myself, it just always feels like something more was supposed to happen. One thing I always tell myself is that a book is forever. I can “launch” it again and again. Thank you! Also, buying your book right now.
The idea of external life shrinking and internal life expanding is *so* relatable. Thank you for sharing your experience. Living a life that our heart wants, versus living a life that's expected of us, is the big task.
In my morning meditation today, I kept bumping up against the phrase "but it wasn't supposed to be like that" and what I heard in return was a gentle, curious voice asking "why do you think it's supposed to be any particular way." Your line: 'I am working on making peace with when things don’t go the way I assume they’re supposed to.' resonated so deeply. Thank you.
That photo of your daughter and your book is...wild. Deeply moving. The way she looks up, wide open, frank. Nothing hidden in that picture.
A wise friend reminded me, when I despaired that my first book would ever find its audience, that I needed to remember mycelium. How it grows, hidden, in the dark, underground. Making connections in every moment but only now and then popping up in fruit. It’s hard to trust the mycelium! I’m glad you got to enjoy this moment of fruiting.
... “on how I’m shaped and molded just by choosing to try.”
This deeply resonated with me. I’m right there too. In the trying. Trying things I haven’t before. Things that I long suspected I needed, but thought I couldn’t do.
Getting out of bed 2 hours earlier to write. No wine during the week. Getting off most social media. Not reading the news first thing in the morning.
I started trying these things because I wanted something from them. A certain, specific outcome.
But I realize the effort alone is changing me. In beautiful ways. Will it lead me to the outcome I want? No way of knowing. But I have transformed into someone who knows she can keep promises to herself.
Whenever I receive notification about your newsletter, I don't read it straight away. I wait for the right time when I am not in any sort of rush to read, when I can take the most of it in and I just did the same for this one. Your words have always felt like a warm hug to me. Thank you for writing these honest and beautiful words. Lots of love, Harneek!
This was such a gorgeous piece. I was the same when my two sons were tiny, nothing else mattered but them. I didn't have the time, head space or strength for anything else anyway. We should not feel guilty for this, this is such a precious time and goes so quickly. My boys are now men and I can scarcely believe that it is nearly 23 years since I first held my first born in my arms. ♥️
This is really beautiful, Lisa. Thank you 💛
I recognize so much of your experience in my own. My book was even smaller (poetry) and there was so much I didn't understand about publishing and selling and all of it. I had two young children and I was teaching full-time, and both of those things (for different reasons) felt like they should take priority. So I let them. I haven't written another book since, maybe (probably?, don't know) never will. I still write, though. I think there's no one right answer for everyone, but I think I found the right ones for me. I think the only right answer is to listen to the voice inside that knows what matters most to you. Thank you for sharing your experience here.
I’m a little obsessed with near death experiences. I think one of the reasons I find them comforting is because so many people come back shocked by how their lives made a difference to others--and it’s usually things they hadn’t thought of as that important. This doesn’t mean I stopped caring about getting my books out there. But so much is out of our control. 🩵
You made the right decision to be with your daughter. The book publishing industry should be more human, flexible, supportive,etc. You did the best you could given the decision you had to make.
I have loved watching you grow. Thank you for sharing the unseen parts. It makes living through my own unseen growth a little bit softer. You may not feel that you are doing enough externally and I feel that. I am thankful for your inner work and hope it inspires others to keep at it as it does me. I love all of your photography!
"Internally, life has gotten larger." That is huge, & I love it for you. This resonates a lot, as your writing always does. A beautiful way to start my Sunday.
This is beautiful to read Lisa. In a couple of weeks, I too will be a published author and I straddle two worlds: one of being a good mother to my daughter and one of being a good promoter of my book. Ultimately, I have decided that my temperament will better support me staying close to home, hosting readings in small shops, and not having a grandiose tour of sorts. A big tour does not suit my temperament, especially in the wintertime. I believe the right people will find what they need when they need it, and if they need our work, it will make it into their hands somehow. Sending you ease this gentle yet rainy California winter.
I don’t know why but I teared up reading what felt to me like raw truth telling … this feels so authentic and I am deeply inspired by it ❤️
I love this essay. As an author myself, it just always feels like something more was supposed to happen. One thing I always tell myself is that a book is forever. I can “launch” it again and again. Thank you! Also, buying your book right now.
What a wonderful way to start my Sunday. Thank you. ❤️ Thought you would enjoy this moving piece: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2024/01/22/the-birth-of-my-daughter-the-death-of-my-marriage#