This is stunningly beautiful, Lisa. Thank you for sharing your deep insights, I feel like I'm in such a similar space and am truly trying to have reverence for my body that grew and birthed a human and looks completely different than it used to. I'm proud of it, but I'm also sometimes ashamed of it if I'm being honest, and that's a hard feeling to face. Leave it to Target to make us all cry these days. Haha
Thanks so much for including the Laura Belgray Elle article. I had never really thought about the trend of being a 'plant mom' or *insert other being or object here that can be cared for or created here* + mom as stemming from a need to justify the existence of (typically those who identify as women) who do not want children. As a woman who does not want children I have spent ample time learning about and attempting to understand people who have an intense longing to be mothers and wholeheartedly support them. However, very few people have genuine curiosity when they learn I do not have or want children and ask, incredulously, "Why not?!" Instead of openness and a true desire to understand, there is a need to defend that if I am not mothering in the traditional way, then I must be mothering SOME way. (Because how could I be a woman and not mother?)
I am certainly 'mom-adjacent' (loved this phrasing in the article) --I have a hundred plants, I am currently fostering a bunny, I'm a teacher, and I make a huge effort with children of loved ones. And yet for any child-free by choice person, there should be no need to buffer this decision with all the ways you are still ...mothery. And yet this is another way that I definitely feel pressure to prove myself. If I'm not being a mother (the 'normal' way to contribute), how am I contributing? It's not that finding ways to contribute is wrong, but that no one should ever have to 'make up for the fact' that they are not x. We have such narrow definitions of what it means to be a human sometimes. While people can bond beautifully over shared experiences, what expansiveness and possibility are we missing out on when we insist on our path being THE path?
This is so real, so familiar, and so deeply eyeopening. The avoidance of dressing rooms is here to stay for me, but I find your words about accepting your body as a vessel and grieving its limitations so comforting. We are not alone in our experiences of changing bodies through time and space; though it may be grief for some while find their joy with the change. My wish for you, for me, and for all who is struggling with mirrors: your body is a vessel, may your mind find its way to treat it kindly!
Thank you for including the Compton Community Garden in your Sparks of Interest this week. I live just a few minutes away from it on the border of North Long Beach and Compton. Spaces like the community garden are more important than ever
I appreciate this reflection so much (for so many culturally ingrained reseasons of course) because I have had a similar shift in my own postpartum body. Only after having my baby have I had unexpected moments of deep, *genuine* moments of grief + appreciation for everything my body has done for + with me. They have been profound + not “constant” where now I’m 100% self-love all the time, baby. It’s been such an incredible transformation + I’m so here for many more mundane, intense changing room moments for you. ❤️
"There is nowhere else to get to. There is no one else to become. Getting places and becoming new versions of ourselves happens as a result of being open to returning to exactly who we are right now and living from that place..." Beautiful, needed, and true.
It’s often lonely “who we are right now” - because it seems most everyone else is living like there is something more “to strive for.”
Such a comfort hearing you speak from that place (like in the dressing room) - for me, it’s as if you’re at a public rally announcing through a megaphone how helpful it is to look at your: body, abilities, successes, mistakes, etc. - with compassion and interest… and learn from what IS rather than fake-or-make it different (just to deflect the shame).
I think it’s a big important topic. Worthy of a lifetime of work. Thank you for talking about it, Lisa! 😊
practicing looking in the mirror is so powerful. i’m constantly amazed at my shifting perspective, some days i am kinder to myself than others but over all it feels special to be in constant conversation with my body instead of ignoring it
I resonated with this a lot. You've opened me up in ways I didn't know I needed. Struggling with the endless chatter of my brain to "improve", "optimize", and "strive" as an unconscious mechanism to run away from difficult emotions and assume that the future is more promising, therefore more important. You reminded me that I could just soak and embody the grace of the present moment and start from there. That there is no urgency but to be here. Thank you for sharing this, Lisa.
This is so familiar and real. I truly have been struggling with reconnecting with myself. The intensity of emotions that arise while looking into the mirror at myself has been heavy and challenging. I’ll continue to practice with more compassion, grace and love. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability and honesty within a difficult topic that needs my attention. I needed to receive.
Lisa, Mirrors are slices in time of real life. I look in amazement at what the years have done. Sometimes I sigh, sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I tear-up in gratitude. D
I enjoyed reading this on the tail end of what was a beautiful, heart-opening weekend. I connected with my body through dance and sat at the table with people that made me feel good inside. Good inside myself, where the truths of what you wrote reside. I felt the opportunities for love expand with each smile, tear and release of fear. Thank you
The link to provide feedback doesn’t work (at least it didn’t for me, and I tried several times). I love getting your newsletter every week, though I confess I just read what you write and have never checked out the links you include at the bottom. I’m also not able to be a paid subscriber right now. If it’s too much for you to keep writing every week, I get it. Take care of yourself and do whatever feels right to you.
This is stunningly beautiful, Lisa. Thank you for sharing your deep insights, I feel like I'm in such a similar space and am truly trying to have reverence for my body that grew and birthed a human and looks completely different than it used to. I'm proud of it, but I'm also sometimes ashamed of it if I'm being honest, and that's a hard feeling to face. Leave it to Target to make us all cry these days. Haha
Thanks so much for including the Laura Belgray Elle article. I had never really thought about the trend of being a 'plant mom' or *insert other being or object here that can be cared for or created here* + mom as stemming from a need to justify the existence of (typically those who identify as women) who do not want children. As a woman who does not want children I have spent ample time learning about and attempting to understand people who have an intense longing to be mothers and wholeheartedly support them. However, very few people have genuine curiosity when they learn I do not have or want children and ask, incredulously, "Why not?!" Instead of openness and a true desire to understand, there is a need to defend that if I am not mothering in the traditional way, then I must be mothering SOME way. (Because how could I be a woman and not mother?)
I am certainly 'mom-adjacent' (loved this phrasing in the article) --I have a hundred plants, I am currently fostering a bunny, I'm a teacher, and I make a huge effort with children of loved ones. And yet for any child-free by choice person, there should be no need to buffer this decision with all the ways you are still ...mothery. And yet this is another way that I definitely feel pressure to prove myself. If I'm not being a mother (the 'normal' way to contribute), how am I contributing? It's not that finding ways to contribute is wrong, but that no one should ever have to 'make up for the fact' that they are not x. We have such narrow definitions of what it means to be a human sometimes. While people can bond beautifully over shared experiences, what expansiveness and possibility are we missing out on when we insist on our path being THE path?
This is so real, so familiar, and so deeply eyeopening. The avoidance of dressing rooms is here to stay for me, but I find your words about accepting your body as a vessel and grieving its limitations so comforting. We are not alone in our experiences of changing bodies through time and space; though it may be grief for some while find their joy with the change. My wish for you, for me, and for all who is struggling with mirrors: your body is a vessel, may your mind find its way to treat it kindly!
Thank you for including the Compton Community Garden in your Sparks of Interest this week. I live just a few minutes away from it on the border of North Long Beach and Compton. Spaces like the community garden are more important than ever
I appreciate this reflection so much (for so many culturally ingrained reseasons of course) because I have had a similar shift in my own postpartum body. Only after having my baby have I had unexpected moments of deep, *genuine* moments of grief + appreciation for everything my body has done for + with me. They have been profound + not “constant” where now I’m 100% self-love all the time, baby. It’s been such an incredible transformation + I’m so here for many more mundane, intense changing room moments for you. ❤️
"There is nowhere else to get to. There is no one else to become. Getting places and becoming new versions of ourselves happens as a result of being open to returning to exactly who we are right now and living from that place..." Beautiful, needed, and true.
It’s often lonely “who we are right now” - because it seems most everyone else is living like there is something more “to strive for.”
Such a comfort hearing you speak from that place (like in the dressing room) - for me, it’s as if you’re at a public rally announcing through a megaphone how helpful it is to look at your: body, abilities, successes, mistakes, etc. - with compassion and interest… and learn from what IS rather than fake-or-make it different (just to deflect the shame).
I think it’s a big important topic. Worthy of a lifetime of work. Thank you for talking about it, Lisa! 😊
“I'm practicing looking in the mirror
with compassion. I'm practicing
allowing the valid grief to rise up when
it needs to. I'm practicing not turning
away. I'm practicing letting myself be
the person I am right now, letting my
body be the body it is right now, and
holding reverence for all it has moved
through.”
Your words and your soul - balsam to my spirit ❤️
you know I love this.
practicing looking in the mirror is so powerful. i’m constantly amazed at my shifting perspective, some days i am kinder to myself than others but over all it feels special to be in constant conversation with my body instead of ignoring it
I resonated with this a lot. You've opened me up in ways I didn't know I needed. Struggling with the endless chatter of my brain to "improve", "optimize", and "strive" as an unconscious mechanism to run away from difficult emotions and assume that the future is more promising, therefore more important. You reminded me that I could just soak and embody the grace of the present moment and start from there. That there is no urgency but to be here. Thank you for sharing this, Lisa.
This is so familiar and real. I truly have been struggling with reconnecting with myself. The intensity of emotions that arise while looking into the mirror at myself has been heavy and challenging. I’ll continue to practice with more compassion, grace and love. Thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability and honesty within a difficult topic that needs my attention. I needed to receive.
Lisa, Mirrors are slices in time of real life. I look in amazement at what the years have done. Sometimes I sigh, sometimes I laugh, and sometimes I tear-up in gratitude. D
I enjoyed reading this on the tail end of what was a beautiful, heart-opening weekend. I connected with my body through dance and sat at the table with people that made me feel good inside. Good inside myself, where the truths of what you wrote reside. I felt the opportunities for love expand with each smile, tear and release of fear. Thank you
The link to provide feedback doesn’t work (at least it didn’t for me, and I tried several times). I love getting your newsletter every week, though I confess I just read what you write and have never checked out the links you include at the bottom. I’m also not able to be a paid subscriber right now. If it’s too much for you to keep writing every week, I get it. Take care of yourself and do whatever feels right to you.
Vulnerably and beautifully expressed.