I've been thinking on a past piece of yours about how exhausting it is to be constantly self-evaluating and self-aware, and the practice of de-centering yourself. At the time I read it and thought "Well that is a nice thought, interesting." However, it has been kicking around in my brain and lodged itself recently. Because of that, I've been trying to consciously re-focus onto others around me, whether it is being more curious, or paying more attention to their facial expressions and emotions than thinking about what I should say next or how *I* feel in the moment. It is a difficult practice, honestly. I just wanted to share that your writing and thoughts resonate, just when they need to!
Everything in life is about the choices we make. Choosing to find happiness specially when you think it's nowhere near you takes courage. Turns out it's difficult to focus on the positives than the negatives around us. But we owe it us to live a life that finds joy in every season of life, no matter how fast or slow it feels. Great post as always!
With regard to #6, I remember when I was fresh on the tenure-track, I had to be evaluated every semester by a senior, tenured faculty member. In one of my first evaluations, my colleague said to me in her office, "I truly felt like I was in a college class." And that meant so much to me. I often feel that what I -- and I'm sure others -- do is akin to stumbling in the dark and hoping for the best. Not that I need the validation, but that was one of those comments that has stuck with me all these years.
Of what I don't know, of what might happen, of what might not happen, of all the ways I might not be doing enough. Of showing all of my self, of what might happen if I do. Of pain, of loss, of fear itself. Every step of my healing has begun with the recognition of a different way I'm scared, a different place it lives in my body, a different layer of my psyche that is operating from the driving force of fear.
I wrote the comment above before reading #8 and now I'm crying, because that's it, isn't it!? We are afraid, and we do things afraid. It's the only way.
Thanks for bringing this up and out, Lisa. <3 It's okay for us to be scared.
It feels as though you describe many of the times between shedding layers and transitioning to something new that happen for me Lisa. That stop start that feels like nothing to be replaced with a surge of energy and creativity. Making small progress always helps with that part of me that wants it to happen now!
Sweet to read about the little steps - "it has been both humiliating and humbling to remember momentum doesn’t need to be so hard, so intense, or so big to matter" - and as I read this today, a thought came out of memory from a body work session last Thursday...
I have some serious neck and shoulder tension, and I'd been massaging the stringy muscles deeply to encourage them to loosen, soften. Hasn't been successful. I noticed how the therapist's fingers moved gently and slowly across the muscles and asked her to tell me about her approach - teach me how to give this to myself.
So much like you wrote today, Lisa. In order to "matter," massage I give myself need not be hard, intense, or "big"... but instead encouraging, sensitive and responsive to my needs right now.
This cross-medium similarity gives me chills. Something resonates about letting the writing flow in the dance with the self, as opposed being forceful, rigorous or goal oriented.
I think of an impressionist painter or dancer - who never knows what will get across, yet pours heart into their work even so... and the receptive observer, seeing the heart, may, perchance, receive it.
This is so lovely and resonant, as always. The idea of "cross-medium similarity" feels so special to think about; I'm going to ponder that more. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and presence.
My goodness. I stumbled across this post from a notes recommendation and I feel like I’ve had a bit of therapy. The needing the liminal to end? ✔️. But the untethering, not so much from my platform but from what I used to do and teach really hit the heart. Grateful for this honesty.
Love the part about needing to always turn things into a lesson. A friend of mine was given advice by her coach who said “some experiences are given to you by God as a private screening”. Not everything needs to be turned into a lesson to share with others. There is an unspoken pressure that whatever we invest our time in (even the liminal space of seemingly not “doing” much) has to account for something. In our society, simply being isn’t enough. It’s a program we have to consciously rewrite. And, just because we haven’t received the clarity and wisdom from a particular experience as soon as we’d like it, doesn’t mean there isn’t any. As a spiritual mentor once told me “the plot will continue to thicken” 🙏🏽
From someone who was recently diagnosed with ocd and feels afraid of almost everything -- #2 brought me to tears. Your words are always a gift <3 I'm hoping you continue to run workshops, I'd love to join next time!
As always, I come to your writing and reflecting like the thirsty in search of a watering hole! Not to be dramatic, hehe - your writing just offers me so much comfort and relief! I cannot thank you enough.
On the topic of #3, I relate to this completely, and I also feel like I've been living from this state for so long I wonder if there is any other way. Can you recall a time that did not feel so liminal? I'd love to hear anyones' thoughts on this <3
This is a sentence I needed today: "There is some grief around how blurry this has felt, as if I should know and be totally clear on it; and there is some relief in admitting just how hard it can be, and not rushing to clarity before I’m ready, before I’ve done the work that is needed to stay in integrity."
Card-carrying member of the READY FOR FALL Club!
I've been thinking on a past piece of yours about how exhausting it is to be constantly self-evaluating and self-aware, and the practice of de-centering yourself. At the time I read it and thought "Well that is a nice thought, interesting." However, it has been kicking around in my brain and lodged itself recently. Because of that, I've been trying to consciously re-focus onto others around me, whether it is being more curious, or paying more attention to their facial expressions and emotions than thinking about what I should say next or how *I* feel in the moment. It is a difficult practice, honestly. I just wanted to share that your writing and thoughts resonate, just when they need to!
Ready for Fall club, sign me up!! Thanks for sharing this -- that outward focus is such a balm for me, too. xx
Everything in life is about the choices we make. Choosing to find happiness specially when you think it's nowhere near you takes courage. Turns out it's difficult to focus on the positives than the negatives around us. But we owe it us to live a life that finds joy in every season of life, no matter how fast or slow it feels. Great post as always!
Thank you!
With regard to #6, I remember when I was fresh on the tenure-track, I had to be evaluated every semester by a senior, tenured faculty member. In one of my first evaluations, my colleague said to me in her office, "I truly felt like I was in a college class." And that meant so much to me. I often feel that what I -- and I'm sure others -- do is akin to stumbling in the dark and hoping for the best. Not that I need the validation, but that was one of those comments that has stuck with me all these years.
Yes to this! It isn't about the validation -- it's about really letting the impact of choosing to do the thing be felt. Thanks for sharing!
I'm scared too.
Of what I don't know, of what might happen, of what might not happen, of all the ways I might not be doing enough. Of showing all of my self, of what might happen if I do. Of pain, of loss, of fear itself. Every step of my healing has begun with the recognition of a different way I'm scared, a different place it lives in my body, a different layer of my psyche that is operating from the driving force of fear.
I wrote the comment above before reading #8 and now I'm crying, because that's it, isn't it!? We are afraid, and we do things afraid. It's the only way.
Thanks for bringing this up and out, Lisa. <3 It's okay for us to be scared.
It is absolutely okay!
It feels as though you describe many of the times between shedding layers and transitioning to something new that happen for me Lisa. That stop start that feels like nothing to be replaced with a surge of energy and creativity. Making small progress always helps with that part of me that wants it to happen now!
Yes to all of this, I so so relate!
Lisa, You are so much more than a platform - so much more. D
Thank you!
Sweet to read about the little steps - "it has been both humiliating and humbling to remember momentum doesn’t need to be so hard, so intense, or so big to matter" - and as I read this today, a thought came out of memory from a body work session last Thursday...
I have some serious neck and shoulder tension, and I'd been massaging the stringy muscles deeply to encourage them to loosen, soften. Hasn't been successful. I noticed how the therapist's fingers moved gently and slowly across the muscles and asked her to tell me about her approach - teach me how to give this to myself.
So much like you wrote today, Lisa. In order to "matter," massage I give myself need not be hard, intense, or "big"... but instead encouraging, sensitive and responsive to my needs right now.
This cross-medium similarity gives me chills. Something resonates about letting the writing flow in the dance with the self, as opposed being forceful, rigorous or goal oriented.
I think of an impressionist painter or dancer - who never knows what will get across, yet pours heart into their work even so... and the receptive observer, seeing the heart, may, perchance, receive it.
This is so lovely and resonant, as always. The idea of "cross-medium similarity" feels so special to think about; I'm going to ponder that more. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and presence.
My goodness. I stumbled across this post from a notes recommendation and I feel like I’ve had a bit of therapy. The needing the liminal to end? ✔️. But the untethering, not so much from my platform but from what I used to do and teach really hit the heart. Grateful for this honesty.
So glad it reached you at the right time ✨
Love the part about needing to always turn things into a lesson. A friend of mine was given advice by her coach who said “some experiences are given to you by God as a private screening”. Not everything needs to be turned into a lesson to share with others. There is an unspoken pressure that whatever we invest our time in (even the liminal space of seemingly not “doing” much) has to account for something. In our society, simply being isn’t enough. It’s a program we have to consciously rewrite. And, just because we haven’t received the clarity and wisdom from a particular experience as soon as we’d like it, doesn’t mean there isn’t any. As a spiritual mentor once told me “the plot will continue to thicken” 🙏🏽
Yep!
From someone who was recently diagnosed with ocd and feels afraid of almost everything -- #2 brought me to tears. Your words are always a gift <3 I'm hoping you continue to run workshops, I'd love to join next time!
I am planning on it, most likely! And so glad this connected with you 🧡
Thank you for this!!
Thanks for reading!
Always a joy to read. Thank you
Thank you for reading!
Looove this question to shift people out of auto-pilot answers!
“What have you come to realize you love in the last day or two?”
As always, I come to your writing and reflecting like the thirsty in search of a watering hole! Not to be dramatic, hehe - your writing just offers me so much comfort and relief! I cannot thank you enough.
On the topic of #3, I relate to this completely, and I also feel like I've been living from this state for so long I wonder if there is any other way. Can you recall a time that did not feel so liminal? I'd love to hear anyones' thoughts on this <3
This is a sentence I needed today: "There is some grief around how blurry this has felt, as if I should know and be totally clear on it; and there is some relief in admitting just how hard it can be, and not rushing to clarity before I’m ready, before I’ve done the work that is needed to stay in integrity."