Does it surprise you that your words, nearly all of them, resonate deeply with me, a geriatric grandma of six, including two already old enough to be in college? I confess: it surprises me that the words of a new, young mama resonate so deeply within my own soul. It also reassures and comforts me, greatly! Thank you for today’s words. I wish for more words from you, in time, as you please, as I also honor the place within you that will decide if there are more words and whether you will share them.
Earlier today, I was trying to get back to my meditation practice, and I was doing my usual EMDR guided meditation. It started with the usual "comings up" at every turn, but I ended up with an unexpected one: "I want to flourish." I don't want to change, to be better, to get this or that. I want to stay where I am, as I am because I feel that I'm at a point where I have done everything I need to flourish. Depression included. Inside me, everything is ready.
What I need are the right conditions, and unfortunately, they are mostly out of my control. We can tell ourselves that it's enough to be in control of our reaction to the world to change our perspective on the world. But I don't believe this cliché anymore. Self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement are not enough. We need the collective ones.
Your words deeply resonated with me. Thank you, Lisa.
PS. I'm an old follower of yours from the early Instagram days. I honoured its algorithm with my regular absence, long time ago.
Lisa, on the Sundays that is see your letter sat in my inbox, I exhale knowing comfort has arrived. That I have the privilege to cuddle up and read your words that I know are going to hold me in humanness. That I am going to connect with you, just by reading your words, by reading the comments of others, by feeling how present you are through your openness. Thankyou for sharing this. I particularly love "I ask myself how to not see Being Okay as an abandoning of all that remains Not Okay." — so perfectly articulated. You always put words to things and feelings and situations and meanings in a way that I am in awe of, with such detail and pure vision for what things actually are. It's a privilege every week to receive your words. Thank you always <3 xx
I'm grateful that you decided to write today. (#6)
Your words about sameness describe my own experience. At times I've worried that this is a manifestation of some dangerous OCD that I should be resisting. But my response to that parallels yours; I have too many other things to put my energy into. Letting sameness have it's way in many of those daily activities feels like good self-care. It conserves my soul resources for other more important work.
Blessings to you for growth, peace and gentleness to surround you in 2024. From this 71 year old retired guy on the shores of northern Puget Sound.
And so so glad to know that you are feeling hopeful for the new year!
I haven’t used my personal Instagram in 2 years and to be honest I don’t miss it. I don’t miss the pressure of letting everyone know what I was upto everyday. Instead, I am spending my time to improve my relationship with rest. In 2023, I realised how much I feared feeling less ambitious if I took a moment to breathe. After months and months of inner work, I am finally experiencing guilt free rest, and I want to experience this feeling all my life.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. It made me reflect on my life a little too✨
Wishing you peace this year, Lisa. Always so grateful for your words and existence.
“Perhaps the most important thing we can bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.” -Rachel Naomi Remen
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you, Lisa! I remember writing, a couple years ago, about how attached I was to my cutlery because it was one of the few constants in my life at the time.
"All of it is teaching me more about what it means to unhook from individualism and remember connectivity."
This, yes. A way I've been taking this on is personal freedom vs. obligation. "Obligation" gets branded as a dirty word. It's not, or at least not always. Another beautiful piece, Lisa.
Just venturing over here from IG and already feeling more at “home.” I feel you so much...residing in that space of momentum yet not exactly sure where I’m heading. Thanks for creating a little space to not necessarily have to know. 🤎
I relate so much to what you wrote about depression here. All of my twenties depression was something like a shroud, and when it became too opaque I would curl into myself and shut down. I did an intensive program that got me from barely functioning to coping in early 2020. But it wasn't until late 2022 when a therapist suggested that my descent at that time was subconscious self-defeating behavior. That my work was asking more of me and I was checking out before I could fail.
I'm beginning to see that challenging those behaviors is what resilience means for me. It's hard, but each hard thing I slog through proves to me that I am not helpless--that my success at work is in my hands, that I can change my experience with good habits. It's amazing and uncomfortable and terrifying and hopeful.
"I think I’ve always been too afraid to find out, to do the excavation required to see who else exists underneath depression’s heft. Or perhaps it hasn’t been fear that got in the way, but a lack of capacity to do the required excavating. But now, in a cellular way and not just a thinking way, I feel a rearranging taking place." Yes, absolutely. A beautiful articulation. I have experienced all of this in my own life with anxiety and depression and a lot else. I love the Wright poem. Thank you.
A beautiful piece. I’m envious of your resolve to give up Instagram! I read somewhere that the reason we doom-scroll is related to the human need to finish tasks. So I’m trying to become more comfortable with being unfinished. Your approach sounds much cleaner.
I don't know where you are with every, but as a fellow therapist who didn't do any clinical work for about 10 years, I have been so happy that my soft re-entry (very small private practice) has been so life giving to me. I come at it with a different energy now. I still hustle to prove my worth here and there, but I'm also just so grateful to be able to help people and watch them grow more calm and empowered. I remember after I did so much personal therapy for my own childhood, that I saw my desire to be a therapist purely an extension of my need to please and be useful. I worried with that energy no longer being my primary fuel that I might not like or be good at therapy anymore. I'm greatly surprised at how much joy it brings me now. I hope you would be glad to be back in the therapist chair, and if not, oh well, many more things you can do in this world to make money and/or bring fulfillment. Best wishes as you ponder your next steps...
Hurrah for momentum and making plans! And hurrah for whatever processes are leading you across this threshold. It’s often thought that only by being raw can we be open to another’s raw place. But feeling filled also allows that openness to another, to the world. Joy is fuel. Fuel for resistance. Fuel for listening. Fuel for being present. Many good wishes in the new year as you explore new territory.
I wish a gentle peace as you grapple with all the questions swirling within you. I quit all social media ten months ago and have my clarity and peace and focus back. It’s never the right moment to quit. Or not. You’ll know when you know. Sending love as always ❤️
Does it surprise you that your words, nearly all of them, resonate deeply with me, a geriatric grandma of six, including two already old enough to be in college? I confess: it surprises me that the words of a new, young mama resonate so deeply within my own soul. It also reassures and comforts me, greatly! Thank you for today’s words. I wish for more words from you, in time, as you please, as I also honor the place within you that will decide if there are more words and whether you will share them.
Earlier today, I was trying to get back to my meditation practice, and I was doing my usual EMDR guided meditation. It started with the usual "comings up" at every turn, but I ended up with an unexpected one: "I want to flourish." I don't want to change, to be better, to get this or that. I want to stay where I am, as I am because I feel that I'm at a point where I have done everything I need to flourish. Depression included. Inside me, everything is ready.
What I need are the right conditions, and unfortunately, they are mostly out of my control. We can tell ourselves that it's enough to be in control of our reaction to the world to change our perspective on the world. But I don't believe this cliché anymore. Self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement are not enough. We need the collective ones.
Your words deeply resonated with me. Thank you, Lisa.
PS. I'm an old follower of yours from the early Instagram days. I honoured its algorithm with my regular absence, long time ago.
Lisa, on the Sundays that is see your letter sat in my inbox, I exhale knowing comfort has arrived. That I have the privilege to cuddle up and read your words that I know are going to hold me in humanness. That I am going to connect with you, just by reading your words, by reading the comments of others, by feeling how present you are through your openness. Thankyou for sharing this. I particularly love "I ask myself how to not see Being Okay as an abandoning of all that remains Not Okay." — so perfectly articulated. You always put words to things and feelings and situations and meanings in a way that I am in awe of, with such detail and pure vision for what things actually are. It's a privilege every week to receive your words. Thank you always <3 xx
I'm grateful that you decided to write today. (#6)
Your words about sameness describe my own experience. At times I've worried that this is a manifestation of some dangerous OCD that I should be resisting. But my response to that parallels yours; I have too many other things to put my energy into. Letting sameness have it's way in many of those daily activities feels like good self-care. It conserves my soul resources for other more important work.
Blessings to you for growth, peace and gentleness to surround you in 2024. From this 71 year old retired guy on the shores of northern Puget Sound.
So beautiful!
And so so glad to know that you are feeling hopeful for the new year!
I haven’t used my personal Instagram in 2 years and to be honest I don’t miss it. I don’t miss the pressure of letting everyone know what I was upto everyday. Instead, I am spending my time to improve my relationship with rest. In 2023, I realised how much I feared feeling less ambitious if I took a moment to breathe. After months and months of inner work, I am finally experiencing guilt free rest, and I want to experience this feeling all my life.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. It made me reflect on my life a little too✨
Wishing you peace this year, Lisa. Always so grateful for your words and existence.
“Perhaps the most important thing we can bring to another person is the silence in us, not the sort of silence that is filled with unspoken criticism or hard withdrawal. The sort of silence that is a place of refuge, of rest, of acceptance of someone as they are. We are all hungry for this other silence. It is hard to find. In its presence we can remember something beyond the moment, a strength on which to build a life. Silence is a place of great power and healing.” -Rachel Naomi Remen
I enjoyed reading this. Thank you, Lisa! I remember writing, a couple years ago, about how attached I was to my cutlery because it was one of the few constants in my life at the time.
"All of it is teaching me more about what it means to unhook from individualism and remember connectivity."
This, yes. A way I've been taking this on is personal freedom vs. obligation. "Obligation" gets branded as a dirty word. It's not, or at least not always. Another beautiful piece, Lisa.
Just venturing over here from IG and already feeling more at “home.” I feel you so much...residing in that space of momentum yet not exactly sure where I’m heading. Thanks for creating a little space to not necessarily have to know. 🤎
I relate so much to what you wrote about depression here. All of my twenties depression was something like a shroud, and when it became too opaque I would curl into myself and shut down. I did an intensive program that got me from barely functioning to coping in early 2020. But it wasn't until late 2022 when a therapist suggested that my descent at that time was subconscious self-defeating behavior. That my work was asking more of me and I was checking out before I could fail.
I'm beginning to see that challenging those behaviors is what resilience means for me. It's hard, but each hard thing I slog through proves to me that I am not helpless--that my success at work is in my hands, that I can change my experience with good habits. It's amazing and uncomfortable and terrifying and hopeful.
"I think I’ve always been too afraid to find out, to do the excavation required to see who else exists underneath depression’s heft. Or perhaps it hasn’t been fear that got in the way, but a lack of capacity to do the required excavating. But now, in a cellular way and not just a thinking way, I feel a rearranging taking place." Yes, absolutely. A beautiful articulation. I have experienced all of this in my own life with anxiety and depression and a lot else. I love the Wright poem. Thank you.
A beautiful piece. I’m envious of your resolve to give up Instagram! I read somewhere that the reason we doom-scroll is related to the human need to finish tasks. So I’m trying to become more comfortable with being unfinished. Your approach sounds much cleaner.
I don't know where you are with every, but as a fellow therapist who didn't do any clinical work for about 10 years, I have been so happy that my soft re-entry (very small private practice) has been so life giving to me. I come at it with a different energy now. I still hustle to prove my worth here and there, but I'm also just so grateful to be able to help people and watch them grow more calm and empowered. I remember after I did so much personal therapy for my own childhood, that I saw my desire to be a therapist purely an extension of my need to please and be useful. I worried with that energy no longer being my primary fuel that I might not like or be good at therapy anymore. I'm greatly surprised at how much joy it brings me now. I hope you would be glad to be back in the therapist chair, and if not, oh well, many more things you can do in this world to make money and/or bring fulfillment. Best wishes as you ponder your next steps...
Hurrah for momentum and making plans! And hurrah for whatever processes are leading you across this threshold. It’s often thought that only by being raw can we be open to another’s raw place. But feeling filled also allows that openness to another, to the world. Joy is fuel. Fuel for resistance. Fuel for listening. Fuel for being present. Many good wishes in the new year as you explore new territory.
I wish a gentle peace as you grapple with all the questions swirling within you. I quit all social media ten months ago and have my clarity and peace and focus back. It’s never the right moment to quit. Or not. You’ll know when you know. Sending love as always ❤️
Keep writing! I love the part about sameness and the comfort of simple routines, taking it slow, etc.