Lisa, what a beautiful reflection on thriving. Lately I’ve been musing on what I perceive to be a collective sense of entitlement to a “perfect” life - how we have bought into the ideology of a good life being a “perfect” life (no sickness, no struggle, no hardship, financial prosperity and “success”, popularity, being able to control/fix everything, all our trauma resolved and immunity to all future triggers - on and on it goes) and how our lives only feel valuable when we deem them “good” in this light. There really is something incredibly freeing in meeting ourselves where we are with kindness and compassion rather than shaming ourselves for a lack of perceived thriving. The pressure of a “best life” leaves no room for growth and discovery or space for “imperfection” and perpetuates systems that harm, ostracize and oppress. (And I believe this is a big reason why we are still in this pandemic.) Oh boy, I could unpack this for daaaaayyyyyssss.
I am grateful for your honest reflections and how they invite us to take pause and reevaluate - and how they spur us on to live aligned to that which gnaws at us deep within.
Oof, that sense of entitlement to a perfect life... so real. And it truly is so freeing to utilize compassion where we think we need punishment... what a gift. Thank you for these reflections <3
Thank you, Lisa. Thank you for saying what most of our aching souls need to hear.
I am slowly shifting out of survival mode, I am still there a lot, but am having moments of ... I don't know what to call it, but a different space. It's not survival mode but it certainly is not thriving mode either, it actually feels really empty. It feels empty, but better because I'm not in crisis, but not better because why am I here? What am I doing? Why am I doing?
My external world is actually, what most people would call, thriving; I'm a PhD candidate, research assistant, adjunct lecturer, and serve tables for a side hustle, I exercise regularly, eat relatively healthy, and do my best to have a "social life". But my internal world is at battle, there is a hurricane, volcano erupting , earthquake, apocalypse occurring in my body and mind. I am in extreme suffering.
But this contrast between my internal and external world creates such a weird and confusing space. In a sense, I should be doing really well, but I'm not in so many ways because of past trauma.
A year ago I had an attempt. A year ago I was so very lost and afraid. I am still so very lost and afraid and still very much in pain. But, I have been able to meet myself in a way I've never been able to before, there is a level of acceptance with some things I have never had before, and I have forgiveness for myself that I didn't even think was possible. And maybe you're right, maybe this evidence of acceptance and meeting myself where I am at is more of what thriving is. Maybe having forgiveness for myself and allowing it, is thriving. If not thriving, it is certainly growth.
Thank you Lisa - for describing exactly where I’m at and where I’ve been most of the time for the last two years since becoming a mom. This deeply touched my heart and brought some much needed relief <3
Lisa, what I love about your wisdom and writing is how you give me permission to be human and see things from a different perspective. I am a fellow adoptee who isn't thriving right now at all. So thank you for naming things I can't.
Lisa, thank you so much for this beautiful love letter. Everything you write about resonates so deeply, but this letter in particular I will read over and over. I was crying tears about this very thing last night, about just surviving each day, rather than thriving. Living with MS leaves me chronically exhausted, in pain, anxious, and frequently doubting my meaning and purpose in the world. I deeply appreciate and treasure your words this morning. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone.
Lisa, I have to say that normally I really think that you're around me, somewhere, where I can't see (hahaha), but this week... really... you got my last years HARD. I REALLY have to thank you for being one of the most pleasant part of my sundays - seriously. I LOVE how you see the reality in a so realistic, profound and different manner of everyone around me and in the internet (I have to say that). Anyway, I have to thank you (again) for "waste" some of your time with us, because I REALLY value that! Every time I read your emails I can only wish EVERYTHING good that exists for you and your family <3
Thank you for this -- I am so grateful for your presence here, and so glad anything I share feels resonant. We are certainly not alone in any of it. <3
Thank you so much for these beautiful words! Reading your newsletter always feels like a warm embrace, like a soft blanket with your words woven into it. This one especially reminded me of how okay it is to not be living your “best life”. I often feel like I’m somehow behind or like I should have it all figured out already, but it truly is healing to let yourself think and know otherwise. Sending lots of love🫶🏻✨
I'm so so glad this connected with you. It is so, so healing to know we don't need to figure it out, that there is no "behind", that it's okay to be where we are -- even when where we are doesn't always feel great. Thank you for being here <3
Reading your words with my Monday morning coffee softens my whole day (or week). They remind me to be gentle towards myself. The very way you write mirrors the ebbs and flows of life and anchors them as part of who I am, who we are as humans. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.
Thanks for offering these pieces of wisdom. Like others have expressed, this struck a chord in me that I have been listening for and trying to articulate since our baby came earthside seven months ago. So much internal shifting in so little time.
Thanks again. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
I could have highlighted every word, but especially appreciated these:
“We create so much more pain for ourselves when we assume we’re falling short of our own impossible expectations — for not being able to thrive 100% of the time, no matter what.
And part of what creates this problem is the society we live in — not ourselves. The society we live in associates thriving with capitalistic standards of success…”
I know how much more pain I create with my impossible expectations. First I beat myself up for not meeting them, then I beat myself up for having them in the first place, then I beat myself up for beating myself up!
A lot of those expectations are related to financial success. You are so right that society uses capitalistic standards to measure success. We even define a person’s “net worth” as their financial assets minus liabilities. How warped is that?
Since my family of origin also defines success as having a good, steady income and professional career (both of which I used to have but no longer do), I have internalized that message.
My mom, who is wonderfully supportive in some ways, still reminds me often how important both are, too.
Thanks for so often knowing how I feel and writing encouraging words!
Lisa, your Sunday newsletters are such a gift. You always seem to write about what I’m feeling, pondering, wrestling with in my soul. I just upgraded to paid because what better way for a stranger to show appreciation.
“meeting ourselves in the trudging is thriving.” This right here. History is not on a constant upward trajectory. We are not constantly moving upward, and there’s so much freedom in meeting our ourselves in the trudging. This reminds me a lot about your post on meeting your every day life post vacation. The everydayness of life - how do we make room to fall in to it. To float when can, to land with a thud when we can’t, and all of it still us being held. ❤️
Lisa, what a beautiful reflection on thriving. Lately I’ve been musing on what I perceive to be a collective sense of entitlement to a “perfect” life - how we have bought into the ideology of a good life being a “perfect” life (no sickness, no struggle, no hardship, financial prosperity and “success”, popularity, being able to control/fix everything, all our trauma resolved and immunity to all future triggers - on and on it goes) and how our lives only feel valuable when we deem them “good” in this light. There really is something incredibly freeing in meeting ourselves where we are with kindness and compassion rather than shaming ourselves for a lack of perceived thriving. The pressure of a “best life” leaves no room for growth and discovery or space for “imperfection” and perpetuates systems that harm, ostracize and oppress. (And I believe this is a big reason why we are still in this pandemic.) Oh boy, I could unpack this for daaaaayyyyyssss.
I am grateful for your honest reflections and how they invite us to take pause and reevaluate - and how they spur us on to live aligned to that which gnaws at us deep within.
Oof, that sense of entitlement to a perfect life... so real. And it truly is so freeing to utilize compassion where we think we need punishment... what a gift. Thank you for these reflections <3
Thank you, Lisa. Thank you for saying what most of our aching souls need to hear.
I am slowly shifting out of survival mode, I am still there a lot, but am having moments of ... I don't know what to call it, but a different space. It's not survival mode but it certainly is not thriving mode either, it actually feels really empty. It feels empty, but better because I'm not in crisis, but not better because why am I here? What am I doing? Why am I doing?
My external world is actually, what most people would call, thriving; I'm a PhD candidate, research assistant, adjunct lecturer, and serve tables for a side hustle, I exercise regularly, eat relatively healthy, and do my best to have a "social life". But my internal world is at battle, there is a hurricane, volcano erupting , earthquake, apocalypse occurring in my body and mind. I am in extreme suffering.
But this contrast between my internal and external world creates such a weird and confusing space. In a sense, I should be doing really well, but I'm not in so many ways because of past trauma.
A year ago I had an attempt. A year ago I was so very lost and afraid. I am still so very lost and afraid and still very much in pain. But, I have been able to meet myself in a way I've never been able to before, there is a level of acceptance with some things I have never had before, and I have forgiveness for myself that I didn't even think was possible. And maybe you're right, maybe this evidence of acceptance and meeting myself where I am at is more of what thriving is. Maybe having forgiveness for myself and allowing it, is thriving. If not thriving, it is certainly growth.
Honoring all of this. Thank you for sharing <3
Thank you Lisa - for describing exactly where I’m at and where I’ve been most of the time for the last two years since becoming a mom. This deeply touched my heart and brought some much needed relief <3
Thank you for being here <3
Lisa, what I love about your wisdom and writing is how you give me permission to be human and see things from a different perspective. I am a fellow adoptee who isn't thriving right now at all. So thank you for naming things I can't.
I see you from afar -- thank you for being here. <3
How are you doing doing?
Lisa, thank you so much for this beautiful love letter. Everything you write about resonates so deeply, but this letter in particular I will read over and over. I was crying tears about this very thing last night, about just surviving each day, rather than thriving. Living with MS leaves me chronically exhausted, in pain, anxious, and frequently doubting my meaning and purpose in the world. I deeply appreciate and treasure your words this morning. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone.
So very thankful this reached you during this season. Thank you for reading and sharing <3
Lisa, I have to say that normally I really think that you're around me, somewhere, where I can't see (hahaha), but this week... really... you got my last years HARD. I REALLY have to thank you for being one of the most pleasant part of my sundays - seriously. I LOVE how you see the reality in a so realistic, profound and different manner of everyone around me and in the internet (I have to say that). Anyway, I have to thank you (again) for "waste" some of your time with us, because I REALLY value that! Every time I read your emails I can only wish EVERYTHING good that exists for you and your family <3
Thank you for this -- I am so grateful for your presence here, and so glad anything I share feels resonant. We are certainly not alone in any of it. <3
Thank you so much for these beautiful words! Reading your newsletter always feels like a warm embrace, like a soft blanket with your words woven into it. This one especially reminded me of how okay it is to not be living your “best life”. I often feel like I’m somehow behind or like I should have it all figured out already, but it truly is healing to let yourself think and know otherwise. Sending lots of love🫶🏻✨
I'm so so glad this connected with you. It is so, so healing to know we don't need to figure it out, that there is no "behind", that it's okay to be where we are -- even when where we are doesn't always feel great. Thank you for being here <3
Reading your words with my Monday morning coffee softens my whole day (or week). They remind me to be gentle towards myself. The very way you write mirrors the ebbs and flows of life and anchors them as part of who I am, who we are as humans. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.
So grateful for this reflection, thank you for being here. <3
You are incredible -- my soul sister. Thank you for sharing!
<3 <3
Thanks for offering these pieces of wisdom. Like others have expressed, this struck a chord in me that I have been listening for and trying to articulate since our baby came earthside seven months ago. So much internal shifting in so little time.
Thanks again. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks for reading and for this reflection -- these little babies sure do shift so much in us, don't they?
What’s up?
Your writing heals me in so many ways! Thank you so much Lisa ❤️❤️❤️
So grateful. <3
I deeply needed these words.
Thank you.
I'm glad they reached you -- thank you for being here.
I could have highlighted every word, but especially appreciated these:
“We create so much more pain for ourselves when we assume we’re falling short of our own impossible expectations — for not being able to thrive 100% of the time, no matter what.
And part of what creates this problem is the society we live in — not ourselves. The society we live in associates thriving with capitalistic standards of success…”
I know how much more pain I create with my impossible expectations. First I beat myself up for not meeting them, then I beat myself up for having them in the first place, then I beat myself up for beating myself up!
A lot of those expectations are related to financial success. You are so right that society uses capitalistic standards to measure success. We even define a person’s “net worth” as their financial assets minus liabilities. How warped is that?
Since my family of origin also defines success as having a good, steady income and professional career (both of which I used to have but no longer do), I have internalized that message.
My mom, who is wonderfully supportive in some ways, still reminds me often how important both are, too.
Thanks for so often knowing how I feel and writing encouraging words!
You are certainly not alone in any of it. thank you for sharing!
Lisa, your Sunday newsletters are such a gift. You always seem to write about what I’m feeling, pondering, wrestling with in my soul. I just upgraded to paid because what better way for a stranger to show appreciation.
Thank you for your presence here and for this reflection -- it means a lot and I am so grateful to share. <3
Thank you lisa much needed.
“meeting ourselves in the trudging is thriving.” This right here. History is not on a constant upward trajectory. We are not constantly moving upward, and there’s so much freedom in meeting our ourselves in the trudging. This reminds me a lot about your post on meeting your every day life post vacation. The everydayness of life - how do we make room to fall in to it. To float when can, to land with a thud when we can’t, and all of it still us being held. ❤️