"You're allowed to make things easier for yourself."
Thank you for this beautiful affirmation.
Allowing ease and comfort is (surprise!) not easy! I didn't realize how often I have these same thoughts of guilt and laziness when I'm not trying to do everything by myself. I also think a lot of my resistance to ease comes from my need to be in control. When I am constantly trying to control every task and situation, I create the opposite of ease- it's a sense of force and struggle and mistrust of others. It creates strain on me and everyone around me.
My husband recently told me that he feels like he lives in a hotel because despite his offers to help, I don't let him do any of the cleaning or shopping or cooking. Since I don't currently have a job or kids- things that might make me feel "useful" or "busy" by societal standards- I feel the need to justify my worth by taking care of everything else on my own.
I have been working on this by trying to take people at their word when they say they want to help. Before, I always thought "they must be lying- no one actually wants to help" or insisting that I didn't need any help because I had more time than them. But sometimes accepting help isn't actually about needing it at all. It is about allowing someone to feel useful and like a part of your life- or in the case of my husband, like a part of his own life. When I am taking time in the day to tend to my own needs and wants instead of only struggling to complete what I think I "should" be doing, the resentment for things is less, and we can both enjoy the ease I am creating by accepting help. It's like a ripple effect.
And it sure is easier for him to carry all those damn grocery bags up the stairs than it is for me! And, no, that doesn't make me un-feminist, it's just a fact! ;)
"I shouldn’t need to make things easier — that I should be able to push through, toughen up, make it all happen, and magically have the capacity to do it all without stress or overwhelm."
All of this resonated with me, but this particular part even more so. I also find myself doing this when I need more social support... "well I'm not in a crisis so do I really need to reach out and tell someone I'm sad or anxious, it's not that important."
"When I think creating ease is selfish, I ask myself how making things harder than they need to be is contributing to anything other than the very systems living within me that say I don’t deserve it."
Thank you for this, what a great way to put things into perspective.
I loved the reminder to look for the spaces where we can create more ease - even when things don’t feel particularly “easy”🙏🏼Hope you had a gorgeous and easeful time away with the family ✨🥰
"You're allowed to make things easier for yourself."
Thank you for this beautiful affirmation.
Allowing ease and comfort is (surprise!) not easy! I didn't realize how often I have these same thoughts of guilt and laziness when I'm not trying to do everything by myself. I also think a lot of my resistance to ease comes from my need to be in control. When I am constantly trying to control every task and situation, I create the opposite of ease- it's a sense of force and struggle and mistrust of others. It creates strain on me and everyone around me.
My husband recently told me that he feels like he lives in a hotel because despite his offers to help, I don't let him do any of the cleaning or shopping or cooking. Since I don't currently have a job or kids- things that might make me feel "useful" or "busy" by societal standards- I feel the need to justify my worth by taking care of everything else on my own.
I have been working on this by trying to take people at their word when they say they want to help. Before, I always thought "they must be lying- no one actually wants to help" or insisting that I didn't need any help because I had more time than them. But sometimes accepting help isn't actually about needing it at all. It is about allowing someone to feel useful and like a part of your life- or in the case of my husband, like a part of his own life. When I am taking time in the day to tend to my own needs and wants instead of only struggling to complete what I think I "should" be doing, the resentment for things is less, and we can both enjoy the ease I am creating by accepting help. It's like a ripple effect.
And it sure is easier for him to carry all those damn grocery bags up the stairs than it is for me! And, no, that doesn't make me un-feminist, it's just a fact! ;)
I love Mendocino! And the Mendocino Coast Botanical Gardens. Such a beautiful place and I hope you and your family have a wonderful time!
I have trouble getting distracted by cool items. This one made me forget where I was. Thank you. And thank you for your newsletter keep going please.
Neil
"I shouldn’t need to make things easier — that I should be able to push through, toughen up, make it all happen, and magically have the capacity to do it all without stress or overwhelm."
All of this resonated with me, but this particular part even more so. I also find myself doing this when I need more social support... "well I'm not in a crisis so do I really need to reach out and tell someone I'm sad or anxious, it's not that important."
"When I think creating ease is selfish, I ask myself how making things harder than they need to be is contributing to anything other than the very systems living within me that say I don’t deserve it."
Thank you for this, what a great way to put things into perspective.
I hope your trip is full of ease <3
I loved the reminder to look for the spaces where we can create more ease - even when things don’t feel particularly “easy”🙏🏼Hope you had a gorgeous and easeful time away with the family ✨🥰