Your letters always seem to talk about the things swirling around my head. I thank you for that. I guess that just shows our interconnectedness as human beings. Even when we think we're alone in our suffering, in our weird and twisted stories we tell ourselves, there is always someone else out there going through a similar experience.
LISA. Tears streaming for me right now. God if this isn’t “THE WORK” than I don’t know what is. Can we just talk about how exhausting practicing loving these parts can be?
But we do it because like you said we are “Choosing to show up to the work we’re called to create or do”. And once you see your calling, you can’t unsee it. No running. Just the occasional hiding.
Your words about literally cutting these parts out is so accurate. I was just sharing with a friend how for the longest time I used to just grab chunks of my flesh and think, “If I could just cut this fat off I’d be happier”. However, like you, I found there is no shortcut.
And so we lean in. And so we cry. And so we share. And so we are human. Sending love and gratitude.
Jan 30, 2023·edited Jan 30, 2023Liked by Lisa Olivera
I could write an essay in response, but I'll just say this. My work is all about these parts that we want to cut out and reject. It's like we think if we didn't have the doubt, we'd be confident. If we didn't have the resentment, we'd be generous/virtuous/good. But it doesn't work like that. We get to confident by addressing the doubt (which ALWAYS has something valuable to contribute - but we can only hear that when we're open to the doubt, rather than trying to get rid of it).
Something that has really helped me with navigating all of this is realising again and again and again that those parts always have a gold hidden within them. That when we stop ignoring them, or repressing them, and we turn towards them instead, they actively help us move forward. But only when they are seen, acknowledged and have their concerns addressed.
And finally, if we want to connect to our own wisdom and knowing, we need to accept and integrate those parts too (and not just the parts we consider 'good'). I don't think we realise that we disconnect from our intuition when we disconnect from these parts of ourselves. Because they are never there for no reason. They are never evil. Or trying to hold us back for no reason. They are protecting us in some important way. And unless we are willing to listen, they will KEEP protecting us. Because they love us. And we can never hate them enough to make them top trying to take care of us.
Thank you so much for talking about this so beautifully and honestly. The world needs to much more of that. (Rant over hehe).
Once again, I sit with your tender words as a million things come up for me. Imagine what our world would look like if we learned to tend to our whole selves with love.
Everywhere, plastered on billboards and blasted into our ears, are messages to actually promote self-hatred. There’s certainly no room for weakness or our parts in progress let alone the beautiful things about us that are simply non-conforming/different. The world tells us in so many ways that we’re unloveable, selling us snake oil elixirs that they promise will finally make us acceptable. The further I wander from this noisy market the question becomes: is anything in us unloveable or simply unloved?
Lisa, I don’t know how or where I found you, but this is your first piece I’ve read and it feels like the universe is speaking to me through you. My husband and I just had a conversation this morning about exploring adoption as a way to start our family, and I’m curious to learn more about the emotional world of adoptees. I’m also a coach trained in Internal Family Systems parts work, and your words are so resonant of that model, I’m curious if you practice it with your clients? Thank you for sharing so beautifully.
This is something I have been trying to learn. I don't think I've quite figured it out yet. Something that I have been realizing over and over is the difference between knowledge and embodiment. I may know of love, see love, hear love, but I don't truly understand love until it has been felt.
This spoke to me and was a reminder me I’m not alone. Your words remind me how ironic it is that not loving the unlovable parts of ourselves, being critical of them, tends to be the thing that actually keeps us stuck. Shame isn’t much of a motivator. At least it isn’t for me. Curiosity over criticism! Curiosity allows me to access and extend compassion towards those unlovable parts and come to know why they are there. What they’re afraid will happen if they stop doing their job. It allows me to see how deeply the care for me and want to keep me safe. And that is lovable. Thanks, as always, for your vulnerability.
I find myself really thinking that loving the unlovable—an angle on self-compassion, is really the key thing. The thing in the center without which not much else that I want to move toward can happen.
I'm not adopted, but was the youngest of 3 in a fairly opinionated family. I have many similar challenges with stepping out without first knowing I'll get approval. Seems like criticizing myself is simply "easier" than loving - because then, at least I'm more alike all the (presumed) numerous critics out there. This misguided protective side just doesn't want to be alone, out front... even though my dreams expose me as a leader in areas I'm passionate about.
The way you are stepping out may be frightful, but from this vantage, it's groundbreaking and essential. You're a leader, and feeling the pain may be a sign that you're conscious of your place among others.
Lisa, Many of your words hit home - loving the unlovable part - resonating with the flaws of others - fears of putting yourself out there. This is beautiful work. If your book does not reap what you expected, it is not the writing - it is the marketing. D
Wow, this resonated so deeply. I so often feel a negative and inherently hateful attitude towards the imperfect parts of myself - and your reminder that we cannot make those parts go away if we only hate them enough felt so relevant and important. Thank you for the reminder that it is all a practice, and that being messy and imperfect is just part of the human experience and doesn’t dim our inherent enoughness in any way. Sending you so so much love🫶🏻✨
Your letters always seem to talk about the things swirling around my head. I thank you for that. I guess that just shows our interconnectedness as human beings. Even when we think we're alone in our suffering, in our weird and twisted stories we tell ourselves, there is always someone else out there going through a similar experience.
You’ve inspired me w/ this piece. Thanks.
Dear Lisa,
Reading your words + letting myself marinate in them is such a gift.
Thank you always, for sharing your truth.
I hold it with so much reverence.
With love + gratitude,
Ara
LISA. Tears streaming for me right now. God if this isn’t “THE WORK” than I don’t know what is. Can we just talk about how exhausting practicing loving these parts can be?
But we do it because like you said we are “Choosing to show up to the work we’re called to create or do”. And once you see your calling, you can’t unsee it. No running. Just the occasional hiding.
Your words about literally cutting these parts out is so accurate. I was just sharing with a friend how for the longest time I used to just grab chunks of my flesh and think, “If I could just cut this fat off I’d be happier”. However, like you, I found there is no shortcut.
And so we lean in. And so we cry. And so we share. And so we are human. Sending love and gratitude.
I could write an essay in response, but I'll just say this. My work is all about these parts that we want to cut out and reject. It's like we think if we didn't have the doubt, we'd be confident. If we didn't have the resentment, we'd be generous/virtuous/good. But it doesn't work like that. We get to confident by addressing the doubt (which ALWAYS has something valuable to contribute - but we can only hear that when we're open to the doubt, rather than trying to get rid of it).
Something that has really helped me with navigating all of this is realising again and again and again that those parts always have a gold hidden within them. That when we stop ignoring them, or repressing them, and we turn towards them instead, they actively help us move forward. But only when they are seen, acknowledged and have their concerns addressed.
And finally, if we want to connect to our own wisdom and knowing, we need to accept and integrate those parts too (and not just the parts we consider 'good'). I don't think we realise that we disconnect from our intuition when we disconnect from these parts of ourselves. Because they are never there for no reason. They are never evil. Or trying to hold us back for no reason. They are protecting us in some important way. And unless we are willing to listen, they will KEEP protecting us. Because they love us. And we can never hate them enough to make them top trying to take care of us.
Thank you so much for talking about this so beautifully and honestly. The world needs to much more of that. (Rant over hehe).
Once again, I sit with your tender words as a million things come up for me. Imagine what our world would look like if we learned to tend to our whole selves with love.
Everywhere, plastered on billboards and blasted into our ears, are messages to actually promote self-hatred. There’s certainly no room for weakness or our parts in progress let alone the beautiful things about us that are simply non-conforming/different. The world tells us in so many ways that we’re unloveable, selling us snake oil elixirs that they promise will finally make us acceptable. The further I wander from this noisy market the question becomes: is anything in us unloveable or simply unloved?
Lisa, I don’t know how or where I found you, but this is your first piece I’ve read and it feels like the universe is speaking to me through you. My husband and I just had a conversation this morning about exploring adoption as a way to start our family, and I’m curious to learn more about the emotional world of adoptees. I’m also a coach trained in Internal Family Systems parts work, and your words are so resonant of that model, I’m curious if you practice it with your clients? Thank you for sharing so beautifully.
This is The Work. Yes! Thank you for your gentle, compassionate example of becoming more human, more fully yourself, Lisa.
You help me feel more brave & ready to keep practicing... <3
Thank you for sharing, Lisa.
This is something I have been trying to learn. I don't think I've quite figured it out yet. Something that I have been realizing over and over is the difference between knowledge and embodiment. I may know of love, see love, hear love, but I don't truly understand love until it has been felt.
This spoke to me and was a reminder me I’m not alone. Your words remind me how ironic it is that not loving the unlovable parts of ourselves, being critical of them, tends to be the thing that actually keeps us stuck. Shame isn’t much of a motivator. At least it isn’t for me. Curiosity over criticism! Curiosity allows me to access and extend compassion towards those unlovable parts and come to know why they are there. What they’re afraid will happen if they stop doing their job. It allows me to see how deeply the care for me and want to keep me safe. And that is lovable. Thanks, as always, for your vulnerability.
Wow. Felt this intensely and at just the right time. Thank you!
I find myself really thinking that loving the unlovable—an angle on self-compassion, is really the key thing. The thing in the center without which not much else that I want to move toward can happen.
Loving your newsletter :-)
I'm not adopted, but was the youngest of 3 in a fairly opinionated family. I have many similar challenges with stepping out without first knowing I'll get approval. Seems like criticizing myself is simply "easier" than loving - because then, at least I'm more alike all the (presumed) numerous critics out there. This misguided protective side just doesn't want to be alone, out front... even though my dreams expose me as a leader in areas I'm passionate about.
The way you are stepping out may be frightful, but from this vantage, it's groundbreaking and essential. You're a leader, and feeling the pain may be a sign that you're conscious of your place among others.
This post is so, so powerful.
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
Lisa, Many of your words hit home - loving the unlovable part - resonating with the flaws of others - fears of putting yourself out there. This is beautiful work. If your book does not reap what you expected, it is not the writing - it is the marketing. D
Wow, this resonated so deeply. I so often feel a negative and inherently hateful attitude towards the imperfect parts of myself - and your reminder that we cannot make those parts go away if we only hate them enough felt so relevant and important. Thank you for the reminder that it is all a practice, and that being messy and imperfect is just part of the human experience and doesn’t dim our inherent enoughness in any way. Sending you so so much love🫶🏻✨