Lisa thank you so, so much for sharing this. Every post, you always manage to articulate things so beautifully, with so much care and incredible humanity. Your words are a true relief, I feel my shoulders dropping as you again and again remind me what's possible — ease, peace, relief, all of it. I've known what I hold and have been so aware of it but also quite intimidated by it, it really is a weight to hold and, as you say, the ignorance would have been easier, but not right-er. Saying that.. I've actually just today started my own Substack after being so endlessly inspired over the past year by you and your generosity here and your love here has given me the balm I needed after feeling so vulnerable! I am just so grateful for you and your words. Thank you over and over. I hope you know just how much you are appreciated.
This is such a kind and thoughtful reflection... and means so much to read. Biggest congratulations on starting your own place to write and explore -- the greatest gift! May it become whatever you want or need it to be. Thank you for sharing these generous words that really touched my heart this morning 🤍
Refreshing and honest contemplations, Lisa. I’ve been musing about liminality in particular these days, and I have long identified my problematic hunger to some place of “arrival”. The last 6 months have been a very literal and intense liminal space for me, but frankly, all of my life feels like a perpetual in-between. (And I *very* much understand a life of bracing.) I’m wondering if there’s a way to make peace with liminal spaces, leaning into the discomfort and rejecting every single snake-oil magic elixir that promises it will finally be the answer we’re looking for. What could it look like to truly let go of the hope of arriving and let my life - myself - unfold in the fullness of her time? Wouldn’t this be a fuller, more beautiful and meaningful life?
I think it would -- and I know it isn't our fault that it can feel so challenging to find that internal place right where we are. I toggle between these so often... the feelings of longing and the reminder that there is nothing wrong with me for feeling it. Thank you, as always, for sharing your reflections here; they resonate. <3
I have been wondering with this too, how to embrace the liminal as the constant. How to accept my reality for what it is.... an incredibly drawn out medicine journey that continually asks me to face my Wholeness and choose with integrity. None of that Wholeness or that integrity eliminates the challenges, the mistakes, the pain, the shapeshifting of the in between... but maybe finally allowing a fluency to develop with having NO destination will allow me to feel liberated from longing for what will make it "better".
I absolutely love this comment ❤️ To come to peace with where we are, in the in-between, in the messiness and discomfort, and not to look so much for fixes and elixirs from outside. Beautifully expressed...
Jul 16, 2023·edited Jul 16, 2023Liked by Lisa Olivera
Thank you for all your words. I am in that place of learning that small is all - learning to sit with myself after betrayal and the end of my 23 year marriage. Every one of your writings feels exactly where I am and the power of reading these words is healing in itself. I find myself trying to justify sitting with myself and not making any big decisions - letting the small things I accomplish lead me to where I will go - someday. Social media can wreak havoc with the ideas of the 'after' and cause feelings of 'not doing this right', but I have an amazing therapist who reminds me one hour, one day, one step. And I find I am noticing the small things again - the conversations with people, enjoying my porch with coffee, slowing down. I have a long way to go, but your writing speaks to me and I thank you for it.
Throughout this read I found myself taking big breaths. Actually breathing: something I often forget to do as I stare at a screen, but something I believe happens upon approaching a revelation. #3 hit me so hard, and gave language to the exact experience I am having. I am too insular, I think. Not that there's anything *wrong* with this, but it absolutely does waste time, as Dillard says. Now I wonder, thanks to you: when one is healing one's selfhood (read: coming back to terms with the self) and in light of this contemplation, how do we balance time spent (self care, self soothing, etc.), time spent inside our heads, and time spent focused on what exists without/around us as a means to heal and more meaningfully integrate into our own lives in a way that doesn't center the "I"? Beautiful stuff, and such a thoughtful way to enter a new week. As always, thank you.
I'm so glad this reached you -- and I've been swirling around these thoughts for so long, even more so lately... it felt good to share. And to know there are so many of us moving through similar wonderings in our own little pockets of the world. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection here. xx
Thank you for all of this. Your generous embrace of the murky muddy reality of living is a breath of honest relief. I’m in the middle of trying to summarize what my writing is about (ha!)—and this idea of being “In The Middle” is so helpful.
Jul 17, 2023·edited Jul 17, 2023Liked by Lisa Olivera
The small things... At least 20 years ago, I had a conversation with my daughter about being a master at something versus being a jack-of-all-trades/master-of-none. At that time, I was acutely aware of being the latter, and not particularly sure I liked it. All these years later, I remain "just" a jack-of-all-trades. Now, nearing the end of my seventh decade, I frequently look back at the accomplishments that made me who I am. And at the foibles, too! I'm pleased that I can actually be grateful for ALL of those small experiences. Stuck in what I hope is a long middle, I also look forward to a long future of continuing to enjoy all of the things I'm able to do and sharing them with loved ones. I recognize, though, that I can't achieve a present state of aliveness if I forget the self I have become and continue to become. Thank you for your contemplations, Lisa! I'll write more about this on my Substack.
The question I’ll hold this week is “how can I tend to myself while also remembering that there is so much beyond me? Thank you for the space you hold for us. ❤️
I really like what you say about how things don’t always have to be nicely tied up. Sometimes raw is just raw, no lesson. Sometimes life is just life. I too am working on living in the recognition that there is no imminent threat. I can turn my meter down to low. I do not have to anticipate the shoe drop. Maybe, this will mean if a shoe drops I’ll be in a much better place to manage it.
Loving the intelligence and warmth of all the comments here, which of course are a reflection of your reflections! My writing is also usually inside-to-outside and I'm glad of the reminder to allow the world to speak to me and to use that as a launching point. There is so much that is not-me - both inside me and outside me, if that make sense! Grateful as always for your words 💚
Your contemplations remind me of one of my mantras: "Sometimes slower is faster."
As someone who can be overly introspective and contemplative, I can be prone to forgetting that the best way to move through a challenging emotion may not be pulling on the thread in my mind and looking at it from every angle, but instead relaxing into my heart, into the beauty of a moment I can witness, and allow that emotion to move through me instead.
And in that way, sometimes doing the slow thing can move me through more quickly than it would have taken if I threw my mental resources at the difficult emotion as strenuously as possible.
The practice of being in The Middle brings to mind what poet David Whyte has reflected on as remaining 'close' - I am reminded of the final paragraph from his poem 'Close': *Human beings do not find their essence through fulfillment or eventual arrival but by staying close to the way they like to travel, to the way they hold the conversation between the ground on which they stand and the horizon to which they go. We are in effect, always, close; always close to the ultimate secret: that we are more real in our simple wish to find a way than any destination we could reach: the step between not understanding that and understanding that, is as close as we get to happiness.*
Holding "the conversation between the ground on which they stand and the horizon to which they go" sounds a lot like 'possibility as a practice'.
I find it so interesting, though, that despite feeling most connected to myself and most alive when I orientate toward possibility there is still a funny voice that nags at me, that almost fears 'possibility as a practice', because it is so groundless - no concrete markers of success or a signal of 'making it' - just the sense of a deep willingness, which is the most honest way know how to show up as myself and also a way of experiencing life that I am trying to become more comfortable with.
What you wrote about self-forgetfulness really resonates with me. As a therapist, I've lately been wrestling with the way talk-therapy (in certain contexts/with certain people) can reinforce a type of self-focusing that that teeters on what might be unhealthy western individualism, sometimes self-obsession. These questions--" how can we tend to ourselves, our stories, our thoughts and questions, while also remembering there is so much beyond us? How can we pay attention to our interior without getting stuck there?... " are orienting to me. Also, do you know which book the Annie Dillard quote is from? I'm really appreciating your offerings!
Thank you for your words. They’re coming to me as I wait in the middle, and desiring to rush to “the next.” I think it’s an incredibly hard yet mature act to move slow, stay in the moment, especially when all else is murky. As humans we need to hear the same things a million different ways so thanks for being one of those ways!
Your words so often resonate with what I'm experiencing in this season of my life, as I try to both understand myself and forget myself, as I write to know what I'm thinking and also write to connect with others, as I sit here being in the middle. Thank you for sharing yourself. <3
Talking about self-forgetfulness reminds me of the Mary Oliver line... “love yourself / then forget it / then, love the world”
Yes, yes, yes. Such a good one, such a true one.
Lisa thank you so, so much for sharing this. Every post, you always manage to articulate things so beautifully, with so much care and incredible humanity. Your words are a true relief, I feel my shoulders dropping as you again and again remind me what's possible — ease, peace, relief, all of it. I've known what I hold and have been so aware of it but also quite intimidated by it, it really is a weight to hold and, as you say, the ignorance would have been easier, but not right-er. Saying that.. I've actually just today started my own Substack after being so endlessly inspired over the past year by you and your generosity here and your love here has given me the balm I needed after feeling so vulnerable! I am just so grateful for you and your words. Thank you over and over. I hope you know just how much you are appreciated.
This is such a kind and thoughtful reflection... and means so much to read. Biggest congratulations on starting your own place to write and explore -- the greatest gift! May it become whatever you want or need it to be. Thank you for sharing these generous words that really touched my heart this morning 🤍
Congratulations on starting your Substack! Enjoy it!
Refreshing and honest contemplations, Lisa. I’ve been musing about liminality in particular these days, and I have long identified my problematic hunger to some place of “arrival”. The last 6 months have been a very literal and intense liminal space for me, but frankly, all of my life feels like a perpetual in-between. (And I *very* much understand a life of bracing.) I’m wondering if there’s a way to make peace with liminal spaces, leaning into the discomfort and rejecting every single snake-oil magic elixir that promises it will finally be the answer we’re looking for. What could it look like to truly let go of the hope of arriving and let my life - myself - unfold in the fullness of her time? Wouldn’t this be a fuller, more beautiful and meaningful life?
I think it would -- and I know it isn't our fault that it can feel so challenging to find that internal place right where we are. I toggle between these so often... the feelings of longing and the reminder that there is nothing wrong with me for feeling it. Thank you, as always, for sharing your reflections here; they resonate. <3
I have been wondering with this too, how to embrace the liminal as the constant. How to accept my reality for what it is.... an incredibly drawn out medicine journey that continually asks me to face my Wholeness and choose with integrity. None of that Wholeness or that integrity eliminates the challenges, the mistakes, the pain, the shapeshifting of the in between... but maybe finally allowing a fluency to develop with having NO destination will allow me to feel liberated from longing for what will make it "better".
🩵🩵🩵
I absolutely love this comment ❤️ To come to peace with where we are, in the in-between, in the messiness and discomfort, and not to look so much for fixes and elixirs from outside. Beautifully expressed...
Thank you for all your words. I am in that place of learning that small is all - learning to sit with myself after betrayal and the end of my 23 year marriage. Every one of your writings feels exactly where I am and the power of reading these words is healing in itself. I find myself trying to justify sitting with myself and not making any big decisions - letting the small things I accomplish lead me to where I will go - someday. Social media can wreak havoc with the ideas of the 'after' and cause feelings of 'not doing this right', but I have an amazing therapist who reminds me one hour, one day, one step. And I find I am noticing the small things again - the conversations with people, enjoying my porch with coffee, slowing down. I have a long way to go, but your writing speaks to me and I thank you for it.
One hour, one day, one step. Yes, yes, yes to this. To continually remembering it, no matter how many reminders you (me, all of us) may. need. xx
Throughout this read I found myself taking big breaths. Actually breathing: something I often forget to do as I stare at a screen, but something I believe happens upon approaching a revelation. #3 hit me so hard, and gave language to the exact experience I am having. I am too insular, I think. Not that there's anything *wrong* with this, but it absolutely does waste time, as Dillard says. Now I wonder, thanks to you: when one is healing one's selfhood (read: coming back to terms with the self) and in light of this contemplation, how do we balance time spent (self care, self soothing, etc.), time spent inside our heads, and time spent focused on what exists without/around us as a means to heal and more meaningfully integrate into our own lives in a way that doesn't center the "I"? Beautiful stuff, and such a thoughtful way to enter a new week. As always, thank you.
I'm so glad this reached you -- and I've been swirling around these thoughts for so long, even more so lately... it felt good to share. And to know there are so many of us moving through similar wonderings in our own little pockets of the world. Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection here. xx
Thank you for beautifully and honestly putting words to the thoughts that regularly swirl in my mind -- especially contemplation #1 🩵
Thank you for your reflection and for sharing it resonated <3
Thank you for all of this. Your generous embrace of the murky muddy reality of living is a breath of honest relief. I’m in the middle of trying to summarize what my writing is about (ha!)—and this idea of being “In The Middle” is so helpful.
In The Middle, forever. <3
The small things... At least 20 years ago, I had a conversation with my daughter about being a master at something versus being a jack-of-all-trades/master-of-none. At that time, I was acutely aware of being the latter, and not particularly sure I liked it. All these years later, I remain "just" a jack-of-all-trades. Now, nearing the end of my seventh decade, I frequently look back at the accomplishments that made me who I am. And at the foibles, too! I'm pleased that I can actually be grateful for ALL of those small experiences. Stuck in what I hope is a long middle, I also look forward to a long future of continuing to enjoy all of the things I'm able to do and sharing them with loved ones. I recognize, though, that I can't achieve a present state of aliveness if I forget the self I have become and continue to become. Thank you for your contemplations, Lisa! I'll write more about this on my Substack.
So so beautiful -- "stuck in what I hope is a long middle" I love this. Thank you for sharing these reflections 🤍
The question I’ll hold this week is “how can I tend to myself while also remembering that there is so much beyond me? Thank you for the space you hold for us. ❤️
Holding that one too 🧡
I really like what you say about how things don’t always have to be nicely tied up. Sometimes raw is just raw, no lesson. Sometimes life is just life. I too am working on living in the recognition that there is no imminent threat. I can turn my meter down to low. I do not have to anticipate the shoe drop. Maybe, this will mean if a shoe drops I’ll be in a much better place to manage it.
"Sometimes raw is just raw -- sometimes life is just life" the relief in this is great. To turning the meter down to low, whenever possible. xx
Loving the intelligence and warmth of all the comments here, which of course are a reflection of your reflections! My writing is also usually inside-to-outside and I'm glad of the reminder to allow the world to speak to me and to use that as a launching point. There is so much that is not-me - both inside me and outside me, if that make sense! Grateful as always for your words 💚
It does make sense, so much so. Thank you for sharing <3
Thank you for these wonderful words, Lisa.
Your contemplations remind me of one of my mantras: "Sometimes slower is faster."
As someone who can be overly introspective and contemplative, I can be prone to forgetting that the best way to move through a challenging emotion may not be pulling on the thread in my mind and looking at it from every angle, but instead relaxing into my heart, into the beauty of a moment I can witness, and allow that emotion to move through me instead.
And in that way, sometimes doing the slow thing can move me through more quickly than it would have taken if I threw my mental resources at the difficult emotion as strenuously as possible.
Sometimes slower is faster -- yes! So much this.
The practice of being in The Middle brings to mind what poet David Whyte has reflected on as remaining 'close' - I am reminded of the final paragraph from his poem 'Close': *Human beings do not find their essence through fulfillment or eventual arrival but by staying close to the way they like to travel, to the way they hold the conversation between the ground on which they stand and the horizon to which they go. We are in effect, always, close; always close to the ultimate secret: that we are more real in our simple wish to find a way than any destination we could reach: the step between not understanding that and understanding that, is as close as we get to happiness.*
Holding "the conversation between the ground on which they stand and the horizon to which they go" sounds a lot like 'possibility as a practice'.
I find it so interesting, though, that despite feeling most connected to myself and most alive when I orientate toward possibility there is still a funny voice that nags at me, that almost fears 'possibility as a practice', because it is so groundless - no concrete markers of success or a signal of 'making it' - just the sense of a deep willingness, which is the most honest way know how to show up as myself and also a way of experiencing life that I am trying to become more comfortable with.
Goodness, yes to all of this. I love that David Whyte piece -- so powerful and so true. And that willingness is everything. Thanks for sharing xx
What you wrote about self-forgetfulness really resonates with me. As a therapist, I've lately been wrestling with the way talk-therapy (in certain contexts/with certain people) can reinforce a type of self-focusing that that teeters on what might be unhealthy western individualism, sometimes self-obsession. These questions--" how can we tend to ourselves, our stories, our thoughts and questions, while also remembering there is so much beyond us? How can we pay attention to our interior without getting stuck there?... " are orienting to me. Also, do you know which book the Annie Dillard quote is from? I'm really appreciating your offerings!
It's from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek 🧡 and I hear you re: individualism and constant thinking about self... It's so real. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! <3
Thank you for your words. They’re coming to me as I wait in the middle, and desiring to rush to “the next.” I think it’s an incredibly hard yet mature act to move slow, stay in the moment, especially when all else is murky. As humans we need to hear the same things a million different ways so thanks for being one of those ways!
So glad to say the same thing over and over again so I myself can remember -- and glad it reached you 🧡
Your words so often resonate with what I'm experiencing in this season of my life, as I try to both understand myself and forget myself, as I write to know what I'm thinking and also write to connect with others, as I sit here being in the middle. Thank you for sharing yourself. <3
This is so lovely -- thank you for reading 🧡