Thank you! This bit in particular: "I am not only depressed when I’m experiencing depression: I’m also keenly aware of the subtle and big spots of goodness tucked in between it all. I’m also laughing at breakfast. I’m also really, really angry at the state of our world. I’m also in love and in reverence and in comfortable clothes and in conversation and in grief and in uncertainty and in clichés and in awe. It is never just one thing, is it? It is never just one thing. The relief in that. The dropped shoulders in that."
Yes, the relief! The space that this opens up! Thank you for voicing all of it.
Me too! I always imagined feeling depressed was a state, like a one or a zero. If I can laugh and see beauty and get up and do things, then I must not be depressed.
"Jane has built fire escapes for me by choosing to share her words, and in some ways, I am doing that for myself by choosing to share mine, by pulling myself out of aloneness and putting it in the way of company, of we." You are most definitely a fire escape builder.
Thank you for continuing to share your words with courage Lisa. I want to acknowledge all the aches and pains you’ve endured and witnessed in your life that has led you to be alive and to be you in this very moment. Thank you for walking your path as best you can. I wrote a post just now about walking the path of medicine. We become the medicine when we alchemise darkness into light. This can happen simply by sharing from the vulnerable place we’re in right now to reveal the raw human experience ❤️🙏🏽
“..I just keep at it long and hard enough, I can figure it out on my own instead of facing the potential embarrassment of being witnessed not knowing, or failing, or sucking, or taking too long, or or or.” Felt this hard.
I love the reframe of sharing being an act of service. I’m holding this thought today.
Lisa, thank you for all of this. The Annie Dillard essay and the reminder "writing is an act of service" were especially medicinal to me this morning! I'm sending a poetry manuscript to a few publishers this week and feeling a swirl of doubts, exhilarations, and exhaustion. I'm grateful for the kindness, encouragement, and honesty you offer. Your newsletter is a grounding and calm place to rest in the midst of the internal noise.
Yes, yes, yes to sending out your manuscript, to honoring all those tender swirls, to showing up in spite of it all. May it lead to the truest of places for you. <3
Reading aloud is such an important way to create bonds and community.
These days, I rarely read on my own. I read aloud adventure books with my teenage daughter, science books with my tween son, social commentary with my husband. Once a fortnight I visit an old friend with dementia and read his daughter's book to him.
I find reading aloud forces you to really think about how each word goes together and the rhythm of the prose. But by focusing on the words, it pulls you out of the paragraph-level and focuses you on the larger story.
I wish my own writing were good enough to share, but there's too much reading to be done first!
I absolutely love reading to my almost two year old -- it really does bring the story alive, and reminds me to read the books I read for myself aloud too, once in a while. Such a gift.
Standing in the middle can be a difficult place to be if it's not by choice. You can feel in limbo, directionless and uncertain. What a gift to be able to see there is so much more going on in that middle. Maybe it's a sacred pause or a redirect. Thank you for sharing so much, the self portrait was very beautiful and powerful.
It is especially meaningful to me that you are seeking mentorship and offering it as well. Your words about doing it alone and choosing to get help really resonated. I think I feel safer working alone as well so I am going to ponder this and appreciate your guidance.
“Never just one thing” - such a clean encapsulation of concept. When I feel depression, one of the signatures bringing me back to whole - is the realization I’m experiencing the universe in black and white - the epitome of “one thing.” Once I see it, I can almost feel a smile erupting. The impostor, caught and exposed… like the Boggert in Harry Potter stories seen for what it is - a fake with hidden purpose.
Wow- I am happy for you about the writing groups, and also the film. I love film development day: what a joy it is to receive visual memories and to look back on the beauty that was there the whole time.
And although I am happy for you, I'm also a tad envious- finding the right writing groups and support is an ongoing journey, and I deeply relate to the safety of doing it alone. Thanks for sharing your joys as well as your challenges. They are inspiring, perhaps more than you know
Film development day is such a gift; it's been a day of joyful anticipation for 20 years now and never, ever gets old. And I hear you on the challenging of finding the right spaces -- it isn't easy, and the exploration of getting there has proven fruitful and supportive, even when the spaces I've been in in the past haven't quite been the right fit. I hope you find something, some place, that feels like home to your creative work. Thank you for reading.
Oh I have always wanted to visit Alaska -- one day, I hope. The wait on film from faraway makes it even more special, and I imagine more precious, too; I'm so grateful I found a one-man shop in my town who still develops film in his tiny lab.
Omg! Someone needs to invite you up here for a speaking engagement! My scheme wheels are spinning... and that film person sounds perfect. I’m hoping my friend is going to make a professional darkroom in his studio basement soon
I think writing in community is so valuable. I have been doing it regularly for years now and it feeds my soul. I’m so happy to read this post, happy for you.
I am a new subscriber to your newsletter, and I moved, through and through, by your words. I can feel the wobble and then the steady, and I love that. Thank you Lisa. I am glad I found you.
What richness there is in these “fragments, bits, and pieces." For me it was especially the intimacy and beauty in the willingness to see yourself within the natural world around you. The simplicity of it, and your resonant mind & heart.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Also, I love your photographs in this post.
Thank you! This bit in particular: "I am not only depressed when I’m experiencing depression: I’m also keenly aware of the subtle and big spots of goodness tucked in between it all. I’m also laughing at breakfast. I’m also really, really angry at the state of our world. I’m also in love and in reverence and in comfortable clothes and in conversation and in grief and in uncertainty and in clichés and in awe. It is never just one thing, is it? It is never just one thing. The relief in that. The dropped shoulders in that."
Yes, the relief! The space that this opens up! Thank you for voicing all of it.
Me too! I always imagined feeling depressed was a state, like a one or a zero. If I can laugh and see beauty and get up and do things, then I must not be depressed.
"like a one or a zero" the undoing of this is so liberating.
OMG - this reads like me - ha! :-)
I loved this too!
Exactly :-)
The relief, indeed; thank you for reading. xx
"Jane has built fire escapes for me by choosing to share her words, and in some ways, I am doing that for myself by choosing to share mine, by pulling myself out of aloneness and putting it in the way of company, of we." You are most definitely a fire escape builder.
Loved the fire escape metaphor
Ocean Vuong's episode of On Being is where he originally explored it; so so good.
Thank you for this -- and for reading. It means a lot.
Thank you for continuing to share your words with courage Lisa. I want to acknowledge all the aches and pains you’ve endured and witnessed in your life that has led you to be alive and to be you in this very moment. Thank you for walking your path as best you can. I wrote a post just now about walking the path of medicine. We become the medicine when we alchemise darkness into light. This can happen simply by sharing from the vulnerable place we’re in right now to reveal the raw human experience ❤️🙏🏽
Thank you for this reflection and these words; so grateful.
Yes - that internal “switch” can be flipped, and is a miracle when so!
A miracle!
“..I just keep at it long and hard enough, I can figure it out on my own instead of facing the potential embarrassment of being witnessed not knowing, or failing, or sucking, or taking too long, or or or.” Felt this hard.
I love the reframe of sharing being an act of service. I’m holding this thought today.
So glad it resonated.
Lisa, thank you for all of this. The Annie Dillard essay and the reminder "writing is an act of service" were especially medicinal to me this morning! I'm sending a poetry manuscript to a few publishers this week and feeling a swirl of doubts, exhilarations, and exhaustion. I'm grateful for the kindness, encouragement, and honesty you offer. Your newsletter is a grounding and calm place to rest in the midst of the internal noise.
Yes, yes, yes to sending out your manuscript, to honoring all those tender swirls, to showing up in spite of it all. May it lead to the truest of places for you. <3
Thank you, thank you. <3 <3
Reading aloud is such an important way to create bonds and community.
These days, I rarely read on my own. I read aloud adventure books with my teenage daughter, science books with my tween son, social commentary with my husband. Once a fortnight I visit an old friend with dementia and read his daughter's book to him.
I find reading aloud forces you to really think about how each word goes together and the rhythm of the prose. But by focusing on the words, it pulls you out of the paragraph-level and focuses you on the larger story.
I wish my own writing were good enough to share, but there's too much reading to be done first!
I absolutely love reading to my almost two year old -- it really does bring the story alive, and reminds me to read the books I read for myself aloud too, once in a while. Such a gift.
I find that with reading, too. Very different medium. Gives me great respect for pro narrators, which I don't think I could be :-)
I narrated my audiobook and I don't know how they do it-- so much work!!
I just did a few chapters of my book… for the experience. Wow, it was hard. Learned a lot.
Standing in the middle can be a difficult place to be if it's not by choice. You can feel in limbo, directionless and uncertain. What a gift to be able to see there is so much more going on in that middle. Maybe it's a sacred pause or a redirect. Thank you for sharing so much, the self portrait was very beautiful and powerful.
It is especially meaningful to me that you are seeking mentorship and offering it as well. Your words about doing it alone and choosing to get help really resonated. I think I feel safer working alone as well so I am going to ponder this and appreciate your guidance.
Thank you for this -- a sacred pause and redirect feels so nourishing.
I feel this too!
John, I think so many of us do, for so many reasons. And yet, often those reasons are similar.
Sometimes we’re more alike than seems possible. Maybe when we get to the core of being human and accept it… we can more easily connect.
Lisa, I am glad you seem to be re-emerging. D
BTW this is a great line - It is never just one thing. The relief in that. The dropped shoulders in that. D
Thank you! A continual re-emerging.
Thank you for today's newsletter, Lisa. I love the simplicity of that white notebook; can you share the source, please?
It's a Midori - my favorite!
“Never just one thing” - such a clean encapsulation of concept. When I feel depression, one of the signatures bringing me back to whole - is the realization I’m experiencing the universe in black and white - the epitome of “one thing.” Once I see it, I can almost feel a smile erupting. The impostor, caught and exposed… like the Boggert in Harry Potter stories seen for what it is - a fake with hidden purpose.
I SO enjoy reading your newsletter, Lisa! :-)
So grateful for your readership and presence here, John.
Wow- I am happy for you about the writing groups, and also the film. I love film development day: what a joy it is to receive visual memories and to look back on the beauty that was there the whole time.
And although I am happy for you, I'm also a tad envious- finding the right writing groups and support is an ongoing journey, and I deeply relate to the safety of doing it alone. Thanks for sharing your joys as well as your challenges. They are inspiring, perhaps more than you know
Film development day is such a gift; it's been a day of joyful anticipation for 20 years now and never, ever gets old. And I hear you on the challenging of finding the right spaces -- it isn't easy, and the exploration of getting there has proven fruitful and supportive, even when the spaces I've been in in the past haven't quite been the right fit. I hope you find something, some place, that feels like home to your creative work. Thank you for reading.
Truly never does. Where I live now, in Anchorage, there are no development labs nearby. So the process has become even more anticipatory
Oh I have always wanted to visit Alaska -- one day, I hope. The wait on film from faraway makes it even more special, and I imagine more precious, too; I'm so grateful I found a one-man shop in my town who still develops film in his tiny lab.
Omg! Someone needs to invite you up here for a speaking engagement! My scheme wheels are spinning... and that film person sounds perfect. I’m hoping my friend is going to make a professional darkroom in his studio basement soon
I think writing in community is so valuable. I have been doing it regularly for years now and it feeds my soul. I’m so happy to read this post, happy for you.
It's so valuable, truly, in so many seen and unseen ways.
Wow. This whole piece is so good. Thank you for sharing yourself here.
Thank you for reading <3
Your words are...quite unique. And you end...this one brilliantly. What a beautiful picture, full of...everything.
"Solitude at the estuary, or a self-portrait"
Thank You. Really. Full of everything too
Thank you for this, for reading.
I am a new subscriber to your newsletter, and I moved, through and through, by your words. I can feel the wobble and then the steady, and I love that. Thank you Lisa. I am glad I found you.
What richness there is in these “fragments, bits, and pieces." For me it was especially the intimacy and beauty in the willingness to see yourself within the natural world around you. The simplicity of it, and your resonant mind & heart.
I look forward to reading more of your work. Also, I love your photographs in this post.