😭💛😭 Lisa, this is such a beautiful and profound share, thank you so much.
I have CPTSD and I am deep in the depths of my healing journey and one of the things I have had a hard time being compassionate towards, is having to show people my sadness, dissociation, flashbacks, suicidality, because there is simply no hiding it, it is all too loud. I am unable to perform and put a mask on. BUT I HATED it, I hated that I couldn't hide it. I used to be SO HAPPY, all the time. So where was this all coming from? I am much more compassionate now, but it still pains me to think that I can't always be the sunshine in people's day like I used to be; actually, I often feel like a rain cloud on people's day, especially my friends who I have needed to lean on through all of this.
Something I have learned from you though, something that has helped me be more compassionate towards all of this is our sadness, our grief, and the deep numbness I feel (and I'm sure others feel too), actually lets me know what matters most. I also share a deep desire now to know how people are REALLY doing, I don't want to hear the performative "good" that we all think we have to say. Or my favorite is when someone says, "living the dream" I actually think these people are probably having some of the worst times haha. I want to hear someone tell me that they are having the shittiest day, not because I want them to be having a shitty day, but because they one feel comfortable enough to share that with me, but are also being freaking honest.
And Lisa, I think that is why so many people love your writing, because it is so honest. So thank you, thank you for continuing to practice showing up as yourself. Thank you so much for this warm embrace, it was much needed.
Thank you for writing from a real place, Lisa. Thank you for putting words to feelings. I always thought that I was a socially anxious person because I would dread gatherings that were built around these surface-level performance relationships that you speak of. They drain me to my core. My body tells me before my mind that I am uncomfortable by producing painful knots in my neck and setting my jaw in a rigid hold. I have to spend the whole next day unraveling the tightness and then filling myself back up with things that feel soothing and real- reminding myself that I am real. I have come to realize that this thing I have labeled as social anxiety or feeling like I am missing something that everyone else has might just be my yearning for realness. I am actually pretty comfortable and relaxed when I feel safe enough to drop the performance and when I am surrounded by people who are speaking and acting from a place of truth and essential humanity. My hope is that I can carve out my little corner of the world that I can retreat to when the performance of life feels overwhelming. My even bigger hope is that more and more people will start to feel safe enough to drop the performance and just live in the space of imperfect vulnerability- embracing and encouraging their own and each other's messy realness. I do think it is happening. People are exhausted. Thank you for the soothing balm of your words to our tired souls.
I relate to so much of what you share here -- the safety needed to drop the performance is often not given in many spaces, which is heartbreaking. And, may we all return to the places within ourselves first and foremost to trust that our truest selves are enough, are welcome, belong. Thank you for your share here. <3
Refreshing to read your real thoughts Lisa. As a middle aged woman I've learned (now) that its been okay to be me all this time.. even tho many times family or connections may judge or try to curb your honesty, your speech and behaviour, your "personality" really.. you can't stifle it forever. Who you are stays with you, endures the years, the masking, the pretending.. but you are always there. I see clearly now that my freedom seeking behaviours have always been about that. Love you writing.
“It’s hard to be our true selves in a world that doesn’t always make it safe or possible to do so out loud.” As usual, we are on the same wavelength. The latest issue of my newsletter starts with a quote from E. E. Cummings that being ourselves when the world expects us to be like everyone else is the hardest battle we will ever fight. Then I talk about my own struggle to do that and some realizations that have helped make it easier. Yes, it is definitely both a terror and a relief to show up as our true selves, especially when people we care about and society in general pressure us not to.
You always post such timely pieces, Lisa! I’ve been thinking this exact thing for most of this week, and I’m seeing so much synchronicity in how people are feeling about things. There are some big shifts happening! Xx
yes, yes, and more yes. thank you. i am grateful to be a part of a large friend group who value depth and connection in the vulnerable ways that you articulate here: curious about each other's true selves, whatever they look like, and many doing our work to let ourselves be real, and be seen and loved and accepted and all the things.
more and more authentic connection is happening, for sure. we're exhausted, and it's important than ever to be in connection, or at least have an anchor to return to when some part of us would rather be elsewhere.
I love that you have these kinds of relationships -- it's so important and so necessary, perhaps now more than ever. "when some part of us would rather be elsewhere" -- yes to this.
Thank you for being you. I am moving through the pain and the hole of separating from abusive family members. This passage felt really comforting to read.
Absolutely breathtaking. This was divinely guided for me to find especially today. I'm also struggling with my writing right now and I realise it's because of trying to write what I feel is expected of me (by no one other than myself!) instead of just writing from the position I'm currently in right now. Thank you so much for this. ❤️
😭💛😭 Lisa, this is such a beautiful and profound share, thank you so much.
I have CPTSD and I am deep in the depths of my healing journey and one of the things I have had a hard time being compassionate towards, is having to show people my sadness, dissociation, flashbacks, suicidality, because there is simply no hiding it, it is all too loud. I am unable to perform and put a mask on. BUT I HATED it, I hated that I couldn't hide it. I used to be SO HAPPY, all the time. So where was this all coming from? I am much more compassionate now, but it still pains me to think that I can't always be the sunshine in people's day like I used to be; actually, I often feel like a rain cloud on people's day, especially my friends who I have needed to lean on through all of this.
Something I have learned from you though, something that has helped me be more compassionate towards all of this is our sadness, our grief, and the deep numbness I feel (and I'm sure others feel too), actually lets me know what matters most. I also share a deep desire now to know how people are REALLY doing, I don't want to hear the performative "good" that we all think we have to say. Or my favorite is when someone says, "living the dream" I actually think these people are probably having some of the worst times haha. I want to hear someone tell me that they are having the shittiest day, not because I want them to be having a shitty day, but because they one feel comfortable enough to share that with me, but are also being freaking honest.
And Lisa, I think that is why so many people love your writing, because it is so honest. So thank you, thank you for continuing to practice showing up as yourself. Thank you so much for this warm embrace, it was much needed.
So grateful for this share, and for your presence here. Thank you deeply. <3
Thank you for writing from a real place, Lisa. Thank you for putting words to feelings. I always thought that I was a socially anxious person because I would dread gatherings that were built around these surface-level performance relationships that you speak of. They drain me to my core. My body tells me before my mind that I am uncomfortable by producing painful knots in my neck and setting my jaw in a rigid hold. I have to spend the whole next day unraveling the tightness and then filling myself back up with things that feel soothing and real- reminding myself that I am real. I have come to realize that this thing I have labeled as social anxiety or feeling like I am missing something that everyone else has might just be my yearning for realness. I am actually pretty comfortable and relaxed when I feel safe enough to drop the performance and when I am surrounded by people who are speaking and acting from a place of truth and essential humanity. My hope is that I can carve out my little corner of the world that I can retreat to when the performance of life feels overwhelming. My even bigger hope is that more and more people will start to feel safe enough to drop the performance and just live in the space of imperfect vulnerability- embracing and encouraging their own and each other's messy realness. I do think it is happening. People are exhausted. Thank you for the soothing balm of your words to our tired souls.
I relate to so much of what you share here -- the safety needed to drop the performance is often not given in many spaces, which is heartbreaking. And, may we all return to the places within ourselves first and foremost to trust that our truest selves are enough, are welcome, belong. Thank you for your share here. <3
Refreshing to read your real thoughts Lisa. As a middle aged woman I've learned (now) that its been okay to be me all this time.. even tho many times family or connections may judge or try to curb your honesty, your speech and behaviour, your "personality" really.. you can't stifle it forever. Who you are stays with you, endures the years, the masking, the pretending.. but you are always there. I see clearly now that my freedom seeking behaviours have always been about that. Love you writing.
"You can't stifle it forever." This. Goodness yes. You are always there -- and what a gift to let "you" exist. Thank you <3
Thank you for showing us the way.
Thank you for being here <3
“It’s hard to be our true selves in a world that doesn’t always make it safe or possible to do so out loud.” As usual, we are on the same wavelength. The latest issue of my newsletter starts with a quote from E. E. Cummings that being ourselves when the world expects us to be like everyone else is the hardest battle we will ever fight. Then I talk about my own struggle to do that and some realizations that have helped make it easier. Yes, it is definitely both a terror and a relief to show up as our true selves, especially when people we care about and society in general pressure us not to.
Yes yes yes to all of this.
You always post such timely pieces, Lisa! I’ve been thinking this exact thing for most of this week, and I’m seeing so much synchronicity in how people are feeling about things. There are some big shifts happening! Xx
So glad it resonated with you -- thank you so much. <3
yes, yes, and more yes. thank you. i am grateful to be a part of a large friend group who value depth and connection in the vulnerable ways that you articulate here: curious about each other's true selves, whatever they look like, and many doing our work to let ourselves be real, and be seen and loved and accepted and all the things.
more and more authentic connection is happening, for sure. we're exhausted, and it's important than ever to be in connection, or at least have an anchor to return to when some part of us would rather be elsewhere.
I love that you have these kinds of relationships -- it's so important and so necessary, perhaps now more than ever. "when some part of us would rather be elsewhere" -- yes to this.
Grateful for this and finding you on here and in turn on Instagram ✨🗝
Grateful you're here <3
I'm at a loss for words right now — this is so deep and real and I made profound connections I hadn't before. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you for being you. I am moving through the pain and the hole of separating from abusive family members. This passage felt really comforting to read.
Thankyou x
Absolutely breathtaking. This was divinely guided for me to find especially today. I'm also struggling with my writing right now and I realise it's because of trying to write what I feel is expected of me (by no one other than myself!) instead of just writing from the position I'm currently in right now. Thank you so much for this. ❤️
This is one of the best things I’ve read in a while! Found myself quoting and tweeting pretty much every line. Thank you for this ❤️
So thankful it reached you <3